relationship myths
5 assumptions about the perfect partnership that just aren’t true
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Perfect partners only have eyes for each other? Or want the same things in life? Of course not. We clear up the most common relationship myths.
“What would your relationship be like if it were perfect?” – this is one of the first questions psychologist Randi Gunther asks in couples therapy. For more than 40 years she has been advising couples in various relationship phases. From newly in love to broken relationships or moments in which that certain something is simply missing. The main problem is the comparison with other couples, writes the expert for “Psychology Today”. The more we hear about how well things are going with others, the more often we think something is wrong with us. But everyone should get the concept of the perfect relationship out of their own heads. Because people who are happy with their relationship don’t expect it to be perfect. They are aware that relationships are a lot of work and they have to work on their own every day. So: It’s all a question of practice and not a question of perfection! According to Randi Gunther, these five myths should be banished from your love life:
These 5 relationship myths can go away
Myth #1: Perfect partners are 100% compatible
If this myth were true, there would not be a single successful relationship. Both partners need to be able to change, compromise, or give more space to each other’s desires. Total harmony is impossible. Many people have gained experience from previous relationships and have become accustomed to certain processes. Adjusting to someone new can therefore be difficult. Psychologist Randi Gunther therefore advises understanding: What completely different approaches does the partner have in the relationship and where is it okay to just disagree? According to the expert, it is important to talk about the differences and thus to master the problems.
Myth #2: Perfect partners want the same thing in life
Always set the same priorities. Always know exactly what is most important to both of you in the relationship. Both want the same things at the same time and never something that the other doesn’t want. A wishful thinking, writes expert Randi Gunther, which has nothing to do with reality: “I’ve never met a couple who get hungry at the same time or want sex in the same way and with the same regularity,” explains the psychologist. Because the partners are different and that is also the beauty of a relationship. While one:r prefers to go out and do something, the other prefers to be at home – and according to Gunther, going to bed together is not a must: “Sure, it’s great when there are natural overlaps in such things, but most of them successful couples I’ve met know that they always need to be successful in communicating about those potential differences that they bring to the relationship.”
Myth #3: For perfect partners, the relationship comes first
Prioritizing friends, family or your own hobby is also important for a successful relationship. Both partners should be flexible and know that they do not have to put their personal or work-related wishes behind the relationship. Because it is the balance that makes the partners happy over a longer period of time. If things remain exciting in the other person’s life, the relationship is also more fun: New challenges outside of the relationship make the partner interesting again. There are new topics of conversation about new experiences that can be both good and bad. Listening to others, being happy together or getting angry together strengthens the relationship – whether it’s about life at work or private hobbies and moments without a partner.
Myth #4: Perfect partners only have eyes for each other
A partner who can satisfy all of a person’s desires over a lifetime? That doesn’t work, according to Gunther. In a relationship it can always happen that everything just becomes too much: Suddenly you doubt that life as a couple is right and you start looking elsewhere. But according to the psychologist, this is also normal and has nothing to do with how much you value your partner. It is still important to trust the relationship: instead of being afraid that your partner will not understand or judge you, you should talk openly about these problems. Even when it comes to desires or fantasies with someone other than your partner. Because often these thoughts are just that: thoughts. As a rule, they are not a reason to feel threatened as a partner, but a sign that both of you should be more involved with each other and seek dialogue.
Myth #5: There are no arguments with perfect partners
Peace, joy, pancakes – 24 hours a day. This is what many people imagine. But as we have already learned, successful relationships do not live in complete harmony. Because the partnership is not a solid constant: everyone changes and grows from their experiences – and that is of course a good thing. Talking about it, listening, and accepting each other’s opinions and experiences will help keep the relationship going. Both should accept that conflicts are natural when the partner breaks new ground and grows from it.
Source: Psychology Today