Things are not going so well in your relationship? Do you feel like you are in a vicious cycle of quarrels and conflicts? Without realizing it, you may be helping to sabotage your relationship. Here are 7 signs that prove it and how to escape it.
In any relationship, disagreements, misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations can arise. But if you feel like you are in a real relationship crisis, you must ask yourself what your share of the blame is. So it might be time to ask yourself a few questions and think about how you might be sabotaging your relationships. Here are 7 signs that should alert you.
1. You only see the negative side of things
Could it be that you are constantly looking for flaws? When you focus on the negatives, you're not the only one who is unhappy. Your partner may feel like they're not doing well enough for you and not being able to make you happy.
Practice ignoring what you don't like, and let him know what you like frequently. This way, you can positively influence your mood and focus on positive things.
2. You always make the same subject a point of contention
Whether it's the socks on the floor, the TV show, or the fact that he works too much, if you argue about the same topic every week, it doesn't do your relationship any good. This gives both partners the impression that the relationship is going in circles rather than developing.
Discuss the issue in a quiet moment and find a solution. If there is no solution – for example, because he / she cannot change her work habits – you have to accept it. Or, in the worst case scenario, admit that you won't be happy in this relationship.
3. You don't argue constructively
Do you often throw insults during arguments? Or do you just put a wall between you and your partner, which sounds like "stonewalling"? You may be sabotaging your relationship by your behavior during arguments. If you argue unfairly and destructively, you will never find a solution, and you may even end up breaking up.
Instead, say ‘it makes me sad that you didn’t call me’ instead of You never call me! ’’. It is better to present a problem calmly and brainstorm a solution together.
4. You punish your partner for things someone else has done
Many people carry traumas, big or small, from past relationships. This is perfectly normal. Your partner must be understanding. However, you should always be aware that he or she is not to blame. Some people often behave this way, quite unconsciously. One example is the completely unfounded jealousy triggered by the infidelity of an ex-partner.
Explain these sensitive points to your partner. Tell yourself that you are now in a new relationship. You should also not hesitate to seek the help of a professional, such as a shrink, who can help you take stock of your past wounds.
5. You always repeat the same relational pattern
If your relationships still follow a similar pattern and fail for similar reasons, that indicates a blocked relationship pattern. You make the same mistakes over and over again – subconsciously. You choose partners who are not for you and you continue to slide into equally destructive behaviors.
Be aware of this problem and try to understand why you are always looking for the same partners. To take a step back, you need to observe and assess your role in the relationship and find out what your real needs and desires are. The help of a psychologist or therapist is recommended.
Read also: Do you have Savior in Love Syndrome? The signs that should alert
6. You don't tell him what you need
Many people expect their partner to read all of their wishes on their lips. Unfortunately, this is totally unrealistic. Everyone has different expectations of a relationship. Therefore, you have to tell your partner what you specifically want.
If you want him to spend more time with you, pay more attention, or call you more often, just tell him – blameless. As always, communication is key.
7. You are emotionally dependent
Emotional dependence on your partner, your relationship, and love can take a toll on your relationship. For emotionally dependent people, self-esteem is based on the behavior of their partner. Do you focus your whole life on the relationship to make your partner happy? Do you feel the need to be constantly praised and valued? Do you live with a constant feeling of insecurity for fear that the other will leave you? It can be a sign of emotional addiction. The problem: your partner will only pull away from you.
To break free from emotional dependence, it is first necessary to recognize it, which is not always easy. Consulting a professional is essential. This last one will help you regain self-confidence, respect yourself and regain self-love.