Are you sometimes overwhelmed by your feelings? Our author knows the problem – and has finally found a way to deal with it.
Feelings are like a navigation system that guides us through life and shows us the right way: what scares us we avoid, what annoys us, we change what makes us happy, we keep doing it and so on. At least in theory. In practice, feelings stand in the way, send completely incomprehensible messages and are sometimes just exhausting. At least mine.
Whether anger about some stupid little thing that spoils my mood and occupies me for hours, or irrational fear that prevents me from trying something new and having great experiences – I have cursed my feelings many times and wished that I would somehow close them to influence and control my favor. Perhaps there was a fairy godmother around once. Because now I think I can. At least a bit.
Feelings are a result of our perception
It is often said that we cannot control our emotions, but from my point of view and experience that is not the whole story: Feelings depend on our perception and interpretation of reality. We perceive something – e.g. B. still no WhatsApp from the girlfriend. Interpret – e.g. B. She doesn't care that I wait. And feel – e.g. B. disappointment, sadness, anger … We cannot control which emotion our interpretation of our perception triggers in us. But we can control how we interpret our perception – e.g. B. I can conclude that my girlfriend is busy, which I personally would be far less disappointing than not caring about it.
Apart from our interpretation, we can also influence What we perceive. For example, if we always deal with things that we cannot change, we feel frustrated. If we constantly think about what we still have to do or have to achieve, we feel stressed. If, on the other hand, we focus our thinking and our perception on what we can do and only concentrate on what is currently important, we feel much better. The world is what it is – but how we see it is our decision. And that decides how we feel.
Understanding feelings takes practice
Admittedly, just recognizing that my perception and understanding of things trigger my emotions hasn't changed my life that much. But since I've understood the principle, I've known where to start if my emotional chaos takes over again. When I feel bad or am emotionally confused, I look for the trigger in my perception and question whether my point of view is the only correct or necessary one, or whether there is perhaps one with which I feel better and which allows me to act more freely. Of course they don't always exist – but amazingly often. In addition, it sometimes helps to understand why I feel how I feel, in order to cope with it and to derive an instruction for action from my emotions.
I doubt that my feelings will ever show me the way as clearly as a navigation device or Google Maps. But I don't even know where I want to go. And if I perceive detours as enrichment and can be happy about them instead of being annoyed, I don't care about the route in the end.