If your partner showered you with gifts and flooded you with love from the start of your romance, stay on your toes. Because behind this overflow of affection perhaps hides a perverse manipulation technique called “love bombing”.
After the ghosting which consists in not giving any more news to his or her partner overnight or the stashing, that is to say the fact of hiding his or her partner, it is time to talk about “love bombing”. This highly perverse flirting technique is not new but is making a comeback with social networks, but also dating sites and applications, especially since the pandemic.
At first glance, the "love bomber" has everything to seduce: little attentions, surprises, gifts, fiery declarations … Except that the intention behind it is not at all attractive. Love bombing is the formidable weapon of professional manipulators and narcissistic perverts.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing, "bombardement d'amore" in French, consists of showering someone with love, gifts, promises, attentions of all kinds, from the start of the relationship. A priori, nothing to worry about or abnormal, you might say. In reality, the "love bomber" has a very specific goal: to put the other in confidence in order to better soften and manipulate him. He takes pleasure in creating a sort of addiction in his victims and once they take a bite out of them, his attention suddenly disappears.
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And lately, with the pandemic, the trend is exploding. Especially on dating apps, which are experiencing a sharp increase in attendance. “The current period being quite complicated for singles, it can sometimes bring out unconscious bad behavior, like love bombing”, explains Marine Ravinet, Head of Trends at Happn. “The person who was showering you with attention and love suddenly changes their behavior to become cold and distant, and in the worst case scenario, end the relationship. The person who is the victim is very often distraught by this great behavioral and emotional gap ”, she explains.
How to recognize love bombing?
This overflow of love, very (too) fast, at the start of a relationship can therefore be an early sign of manipulation … However, as psychologist Dianne Grande reminds us, in the American journal Psychology Today, this type of behavior can also be simply be the work of a very expressive and demonstrative person, or a person seeking affection. In addition, the pandemic has seen the birth of another love trend, that of apocalypsing. Or the fact of throwing yourself body and soul into a new relationship, as if this one were the last. Faced with the extremely distressing and anxiety-provoking situation, the couple gives the illusion of internal security for many single mothers who are trying to find love at all costs.
Read also: How to recognize and protect yourself from a narcissistic pervert?
If love bombing also tends to change things extremely quickly, this ploy turns out to be much more unhealthy and perverse. It can be very difficult to spot it at first. "We invite users to listen to their feelings and potential signals that could alarm them: the foundations of a healthy relationship are laid from the first discussions. Commit too quickly, skip the steps and feel uncomfortable when faced with too many messages … So many examples that should invite open communication with the other and a certain caution in the relationship to avoid emotional elevators ”, assures Marine Ravinet. In order not to fall into the trap of the love bomber, Dianne Grande details the three phases often observed. First, a shower of attention and gifts, also called “idealization”. This phase is followed by devaluation, during which the person devalues you, blames you, especially when you do not react as they hoped. Finally, the person gets rid of you when you no longer meet their needs.
Love bombing can cause enormous emotional damage. Do not hesitate to talk to those around you to get an outside opinion on the situation. And above all, do not hesitate to consult a specialist for help.