The term "sapiosexuality" comes from the Latin "sapio" which means "intelligent, reasonable", and "sexuality". Which means ? That a so-called sapiosexual person is more attracted (lovingly and sexually) to intelligence than to the physical (to others). In other words, no more plastic, aligned teeth, plump buttocks or any other (subjective) criterion of seduction, room for the brain, savvy, common sense … which are much sexier. Normal, somewhere, right? Who doesn't want to hang out with an intelligent, educated, wise person who can write without (too many) spelling mistakes? Are we to think that other people, people who are not sapiosexual, don't care about a person's intellect? Finally, if the word sapiosexuality makes its entry into love jargon, it is because we live in a world based on appearances, between the dictates of the perfect body and filtered photos on Instagram. This is why (perhaps) we needed a nice word, a new word, to underline this a priori ordinary form of attraction or to remind (who knows) that the pressure weighing on our bodies and our physique has become unbearable, just like the injunction to make love regularly to build a lasting couple. This is why (also) we can ask ourselves if we are not all, basically, sapiosexual, that is to say attracted (and excited) by the crowds of others above all? But here it is, sapiosexuality insists on one point: within its framework, the intelligence is (much) more attractive and exciting than the physical. In which case beauty and neurons do not play in the same court. Because yes, we can hope to meet an intelligent person without ignoring their body, their face, their torso. But the sapiosexual person just skips it because they believe that the physical doesn't matter. So, are you in… or not? How much does the physique weigh in your romantic encounters? How much does intelligence take over? To help you situate yourself, we've taken the subject … upside down. And promised, on the other hand, it is clearer: sometimes it is easier to understand what sapiosexuality is not than to identify its springs.
You are not sapiosexual if … you look at her library but also at her hands
Do you think you're sapiosexual because the first thing you do when you walk into a suitor's house is run to their library? Is this perfect stranger (who will soon no longer be so) rather Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Houellebecq, travel guides? It is indeed a very "sapiosexual" approach to take an interest in the books of your crush, or even in your musical tastes, the films of your life, the posters of your world … But beside your brilliant mind , you also look at his hands. His hands gripping the book you are reviewing. And there, the image pleases you and grabs you, just like his smile, his body, his size, his new shirt. So no, it's not necessarily sapiosexuality because you can take a great interest in someone's intellectual universe without necessarily ignoring the rest.
You are not sapiosexual if … you like to discuss everything but also the weather
There is no need to say: when you are in a romantic relationship, it is not to watch each other eat mash at night and compliment each other between two spoons (but you can). What animates the sapiosexual above all is the richness of the conversations, the intellectual energy, the cerebral agitation. It is therefore a question of discussing everything, nothing, and frankly more rarely the weather. So if you like to talk about the weather, and you don't care about dull moments and silly silences (as long as they don't take you away from the men and women you hang out with), you are not sapiosexual. Because yes, a sapiosexual person can feel bored and see their desire crumble in the absence of rich conversations.
You are not sapiosexual if … you avoid spelling mistakes but forgive them
Like many people, you can't stand misspellings. But is that enough to make you think you're sapiosexual? To think that, for you, written exchanges, well-chosen words and long conversations by message or email constitute the basis of your desire and your sexual energy? It all depends on how well you are able to run away from fouls. Do you feel the need to take three steps back when you see a bad chord? Does something break? If you forgive mistakes and moreover prefer to discuss face to face than spend hours conversing in writing, you are not sapiosexual, because generally, sapiosexual people like to be in contact with the “brain” of the other. , his prose, his curiosity.
You are not sapiosexual if … you like smart people but don't trust their IQ
Who doesn't like to surround themselves with smart people? People who maybe like to shine (in which case it's better to surround yourself with silly people, we'll agree …). But let's see: generally, all the same, we look for an intelligent partner. But is this a criterion of choice reserved for sapiosexuality? No. And without drawing the line and claiming that sapiosexuals are infatuated with the IQ of their associates, let's note the difference: we can love people who are sensible and packed with culture but not take offense, in other words not need to cross a big quotient intellectual to feel any kind of excitement and spend the night with that someone. The sapiosexual eroticizes intelligence, so it is intelligence that melts it.
You are not sapiosexual if … you don't care about the physique but you have limits
“Inner beauty,” as they say, is important to you. Besides, you have already fallen for people whom you did not consider particularly hot. But sometimes you have to admit it: the inside is not enough. The attraction "doesn't catch", because you are physically blocking it. So you are not sapiosexual, because the sapiosexual goes above, he does not even ask himself the question of the physical, or he does not have time to ask it as he likes the intelligence of the other. , a bit like Marlène Schiappa who suggested in 2019 in the Journal du Dimanche that she was sapiosexual (since Alain Juppé, according to the heroine of the novel she was writing at the time of the interview, was the man sexiest in France…). In any case, if you don't go beyond the physical, if sometimes it doesn't work, it doesn't matter: if you don't feel, you don't feel it, and it's not just a a question of appearance, it is also a question of charm, atmosphere, emotions … and listening to yourself.
