Meike has an affair with a family man. But just as he wants to clear the table, he is stuck in his apartment and his old life.
It should just be a kiss. I knew Tom had two children and a partner. That kiss was no more than this moment, an exception in a bar. Tom said that his limit had been reached and he wanted to leave it at that. That's it, no problem, I said. But his limit shifted more and more with each meeting. Until we had an affair with digital parallel lives: We saw each other at least once a week, he never slept with me. But I always found a "good morning" message on my cell phone. We also wrote to each other at work and were able to spend our days together constantly – just digitally.
My affair – a digital parallel life
But in January of this year I realized that I wanted the whole package. He said that in a parallel universe he would have liked to have been my whole package. We broke up, a clean end – if Tom hadn't been on my doorstep a few days later. "The only question you have to answer yourself: you or me? We'll manage everything else somehow," I said. At the end of February he had made up his mind. But again we had to wait because March was an important family day for his children. So April finally clear the table. And then? Corona came over and overran our burgeoning relationship, and Tom was suddenly barely reachable for me. He was my partner, we were about to make it official, to give this relationship the space that feels right for us! Instead, our space shrank. No parallel digital life, just tiny islands of time. Moments when Tom was out briefly or locked himself in the bathroom and wrote to me how much he missed me – while the children knocked on the door. I never put my phone down like an addict just to not miss a thing.
Suddenly he said that in this situation he could not abandon his family. Neither of them could look after the children alone and work at the same time. Yes, yes, he still wanted to part, but when? Not clear. The uncertainty, the confinement, the stress, no distraction, no hug, no Tom. They were suddenly living their lives on – and I had to watch from outside. What if he suddenly pulls himself together with his wife? Connected in the crisis, united with the family? My body responded with panic attacks. One evening I dropped a cup. It shattered – and somehow so did I. I sat on the floor and cried like never before. Why should I ever get up again? For whom?
Together for the rest of life
It was different for Tom, but just as bad. He and his wife have been able to avoid each other for the past few years. Now they sat on top of each other in their small city apartment and were supposed to make home office and homeschooling possible as a team. They argued violently, in the middle of the quarantine then the break – finally. After an argument, he said that he was breaking up and wanted to be with me. Two days later he moved out.
Since then he has lived with me, but we still have little time for two. During the day he goes to work, in the evening he drives to his ex-partner to look after the children. When he's with me late at night, I'm his emotional support. They argue a lot, the allegations and at the same time the wish not to take it out in front of the children – but how is that supposed to work in a house in which everyone sits on top of each other for most of the day? I imagine his ex's situation in particular to be very bad. Lovesickness and no room to cry undisturbed without the children watching her. It sure helps that Tom goes to his parents over the weekend with the kids since the relaxation. Whereby (may I say that?) That, of course, takes our time again. But everything will calm down, hopefully, at some point. And we can finally start the rest of our lives together.
Would you like to read more about the topic and exchange ideas with other women? Then take a look at the BRIGITTE community's "About Loyalty and Lies in Love Forum" past!
Get the BRIGITTE as a subscription – with many advantages. You can order them directly here.