Author: in ALOK speaks to us about hate, trauma and a world beyond the gender binary – a world that already exists.
“The days I think I’m most beautiful are the days I’m most scared,” writes ALOK in their book Beyond the Binary. ALOK is an author, poet, comedian and speaker. And ALOK is not binary, uses the pronouns “they/them” (translatable into German with e.g. “er:sie”) – and is hostile to, insulted, bullied by other people.
How does it feel to live in a world where gender is not seen as a social construct, but as law, as chains that are put on? What does ALOK think of people who support them and other queer people do violence? And what would it look like, a world beyond the gender binary? We spoke to ALOK about these and other topics.
Interview with ALOK: “We live in a society that constantly traumatizes people”
GUIDO: ALOK, you’re not binary, a term that raises question marks in many people. In your own words: What does non-binary mean?
ALOK: Nonbinary is a term for people whose gender is neither exclusively male nor female. There is no one way to be non-binary, and each non-binary person has their own unique experiences. This complexity is inherent in human existence. We all have individual experiences of ourselves and the world, and it’s a beautiful thing to acknowledge that.
GUIDO: How does it feel to have to justify and defend your own gender identity over and over again?
ALOK: That’s demoralizing. As an artist, I feel called to create works about many far-reaching experiences: trauma, grief, love, inner growth. But so often people reduce me to my body and try to delegitimize my identity.
I have far more important things to do with my time than proving what already “is”.
What helps me this relentless and systematic devaluation of what I am is that I remember that it’s not really about me, it’s about other people’s unresolved insecurities and projections. Strong and secure people don’t feel the need to push other people out of existence.
GUIDO: Where do you think this strong emotionality – and sometimes also aggressiveness – of cis people on the subject of trans, gender and non-binarity comes from? Why are these people apparently seen as a danger by many?
ALOK: All this is not new. We have been, and continue to be, a convenient scapegoat for those in power to monopolize their power and evade accountability for inequality. Because we are a small minority with little institutional power, the people can launch powerful fear-mongering disinformation campaigns against us with little resistance or public outcry. This has been the norm for centuries.
When I was on tour in Germany I had the opportunity to see the impressive exhibition “To Be Seen: Queer Lives 1900-1950” in the Munich Documentation Center for the History of National Socialism. I cannot recommend them enough. This moving exhibition shows how the vibrant queer and transgender world of early 20th-century Germany was targeted and wiped out as part of the rise of fascism.
I am deeply concerned that transphobia is on the rise again in Germany and employing similar scapegoating tactics.
If anything, Germany should play a leading role in condemning this practice of vilifying minorities around the world. Germany should show on the global stage that this practice is part of a larger project of control and violence.
GUIDO: In other interviews you say that empathy is the way. How can this succeed?
ALOK: In the last decade, research on the effects of trauma on our individual psyche and society has expanded greatly. Previous generations didn’t even know trauma existed, let alone how it manifests in our bodies, families, and cultures. I have immersed myself deeply in this literature and am in dialogue with psychiatrists, neurologists and mental health professionals who influence my approach.
What I’ve learned is that those who tend to yell out in anger at complete strangers are actually showing their own unresolved grief and pain. They project their unresolved fears onto other people. When people who have experienced basic trauma do not have opportunities for meaningful healing or resolution, they project that pain onto others.
It is often easier to portray entire communities as dangerous than to confront the damage done to our own immediate environment by the people we know.
I choose compassion not because I believe I’m a better person, but because I believe it gets to the root of the problem. The problem is a society that, instead of caring for those who suffer, spreads even more cruelty and condemnation.
The truth is that we live in a society that constantly traumatizes people through institutions like gender segregation. Even the people who are so vocal against trans and non-binary people suffer from this binary gender system.
ALOK lives beyond the gender binary – and is not alone.
© Menon Landscape
GUIDO: For a cis person (a person who identifies with their birth gender), it is natural for the world around them to take their gender identity for granted. No one would say to a little boy, “Look, you’re still much too young, you don’t know if you’re someone else.”
But when this boy says he’s a girl, they often say, “Look, you’re still way too young, you don’t even know you’re someone else.” – What is your opinion on this?
ALOK: This double standard arises because non-binary and trans people are still viewed as not real, like we are pretending to be something we are not. It is deeply troubling that people give more authority to what others say we should be than what we know ourselves to be. As you say yourself, it would be unacceptable for the same disapproval to be expressed towards cis men and women.
It’s not because of science, it’s because of social convention. It’s not about biology, it’s about power.
The supposed naturalness of the same sex is a relatively recent historical phenomenon especially with western colonialism related. This has been documented through generations of research into colonialism and gender, but is not widely accepted in our educational system and society as the only way to naturalize current conditions.
GUIDO: A world beyond the gender binary – what do you think it would look like?
ALOK: This world already exists. They exist in various indigenous cultures around the world beyond the Western gender binary. They exist in trans and non-binary communities who experience and love themselves for what they are, not what they are told to be. And through my participation in these communities, I can say: It looks (and feels!) incredibly awesome, rich and deep. As if every day was a miracle. Because he is too.
Sources used: Interview, lsvd.de, antidiscrimination agency.de, nsdoku.de, bpb.de, stern.de