Anger is good: how we can use our negative emotions

All feelings are fine and belong to us. Often such feelings as fear, anger or anger are viewed as exclusively negative and understandably avoided if possible. What’s the problem with that? What is avoided tends to get bigger and bigger – and gradually takes up more space.

When we are angry, we have a serious problem when it is not we who control it, but it controls us. Because the consequences of anger can be devastating. However, anger does not have to be in its extreme form. At first anger germinates more easily, which increases and at a certain point we are faced with anger. The art of being angry now consists in recognizing this pattern and understanding that anger does not just come and go, but rather, for example, wants to show us something in our life in a very concrete way. And since we humans can always choose, there is a chance to convert anger into positive energy that will bring us further on our way.

The psychologist Dr. Yana Fehse from Hamburg knows exactly what it is about and how this transformation can work. As a recognized mindset coach, thanks to her tried and tested strategies, she can help you harness an extreme feeling such as anger on the way to your goal:

1. Use your anger as a motor for professional change!

First you have to understand why something is making you angry. Usually the trigger is a repetitive, apparently unsolvable problem or you are simply extremely dissatisfied with the given situation. We can learn to understand our anger in this way. It shows us what specifically stimulates us or makes us mad. At this moment you can decide: You adopt a victim stance and let your anger run free, that is, you complain about your fate and hold others responsible. Or you take the chance to accept your anger and focus on the two crucial questions: What does the anger have to do with me? What do I have to change in the long term? And what can I do in the short term to avert worse things? Because it is very possible that your anger is a clear sign that you even need to change something fundamental in your life. Sometimes anger just knocks lightly on the door – and is often overheard. But anger is hammering your life with full force. Perhaps their message is: “Hey, that’s enough! To this point and no further! Here is a stop! Something has to change – and now!”. Use these emotions created by anger to give yourself a jerk. Give the go-ahead for the changes that are finally needed – and see them through! If you succeed in civilizing your anger, you can use it wonderfully as a motor for the implementation of this change.

2. Always use your anger as a guide!

Anger can also be a useful guide in our personal relationships, for example to break an everyday routine that may have been bothering us for a long time. Topics such as washing up, cleaning or washing clothes are often superficial issues in long-term relationships, but couples usually no longer address their deep-seated frustration with the inadequate satisfaction of their needs because they have given up. Growing anger is an important indicator that something is wrong in the relationship and that a change is urgently needed. Now at the latest, anger should be recognized as a possible destructive force and, for the sake of the relationship, an open conversation should be held between the partners if possible – at least one should offer it. Those who can admit anger can also admit that their “love tank” is empty, otherwise they would not be angry. Anger can be used consciously as a turnaround in the relationship – according to the motto: “We’ll talk to each other now and develop a strategy for how we can refill our love tanks.” In this way – without any guarantee of success, of course – you build up better chances of a healthy relationship in the long term and you may rediscover positive aspects of your partner that you have not even seen before. However, those who eat the anger in themselves risk one day escalation and sometimes with unforeseeable consequences.

3. Get out of your comfort zone with anger

All feelings have the potential to give us a real boost of energy – this includes without a doubt the strongest force, love, but anger also carries a lot of energy. Anyone who feels anger can turn it into a driving force that helps us break out of our own comfort zone and dare to try something completely new. In some situations we need a special jolt – and anger can give us the power and energy we need to overcome professional or sporting hurdles – true to the motto “Now more than ever!” Quite a few angry cabin speeches at half-time caused the U-turn in the football match. So you can surpass yourself and win a game that you thought was lost. This is how you can get the best out of yourself because you no longer want to give yourself up to the previous situation that led to anger.

4. Recognize anger as a teacher of life

If anger turns to anger, something has probably gone badly wrong beforehand. But sometimes the anger suddenly comes over you – as if out of nowhere. A stimulus that triggers us and the anger is already in us. But regardless of whether the anger develops slowly or is there suddenly, it is always our teacher and shows us what is not yet going well for us. What specific lessons can your anger teach you? Dr. Fehse: “Especially in the interpersonal area it can help to recognize what is important to us. What makes us angry is important to us.” The Hamburg psychologist points out that this knowledge can also be used to consciously develop more calmness (e.g. when children behave incorrectly). Because anger shows you very clearly that you are far from the end of your personal development or that you still have room for improvement. We can all learn something new about ourselves and others every day. We can see situations that make us angry as an opportunity for further development and troubleshooting. Those who can live according to their wishes and inclinations will therefore hardly get angry. He literally has a thick skin that critical situations ricochet off. And yet even the most balanced person can be driven to white heat by a third party. A change of perspective helps us to understand that we are all not entirely flawless, and so we can perhaps adapt exaggerated expectations to the given situation and realign ourselves.

Dr. Fehse emphasizes: “Anyone who takes a positive attitude towards anger and anger has a clear advantage. Anger can definitely be controlled. Take a deep breath, get out of the situation for a moment. Everyone has this moment in time when they can decide. He can therefore consciously convert the destructive forces into performance-enhancing energy and thus help yourself to success. “

Dr. Yana Fehse is a psychologist, mindset coach and expert for a confident and convincing appearance. Since 2015 she has been working as a freelance coach and trainer for a management consultancy and many well-known companies, including AIRBUS, OTTO. Today she specializes in personal development and support for entrepreneurs and executives. Your vision is that as many people as possible know how to take the next steps on their career ladder successfully and with a lot more persuasiveness, joy and confidence.

Barbara