Do you have the impression that you take things “too” to heart, that you have poor control over your emotions? Do you feel misunderstood or different? Perhaps you are hypersensitive, a trait that affects more than 30% of the population in France.
On August 27, the YouTuber and influencer EmmaCakeCup shared on Instagram a publication in which she confided be hypersensitive. “It’s not a disease, but a difference. I had a lot of trouble accepting it when I was young, especially since people in general are very harsh ", she writes.
Like her, more and more people no longer hesitate to assert their hypersensitivity on social media. This is the case of Garance Clos-Gauthier, creator of the Instagram account @sororcicles, " the 1st support network for hypersensitive women ", which brings together more than 44,000 subscribers. “I created SororCircles at the beginning of 2019 on the basis of the following observation: many women feel isolated and suffer a break with the social bond at different stages of their lives. This often happens after a divorce, a break-up, a move, a dismissal, the announcement of an illness, a birth … " she tells us. “During these events, I noticed that the women gathered were in fact not very motivated by mutual aid. On the contrary, those who seemed to express a strong interest in providing help but also in receiving it were more sensitive than average women. So I decided to orient the organization of these events around hypersensitive women ”. Her Instagram account aims to give a voice to hypersensitive women, to inform them and to unite them so that they feel less alone.
What is hypersensitivity?
Before defining hypersensitivity, let's remember what it is not to deconstruct prejudices. Hypersensitivity is neither an anomaly nor a disease. According to psychoanalyst Saverio Tomasella *, who has been working on the issue for nearly 15 years, around 30% of the population has this temperament, which implies a higher than average sensitivity. "This temperament is expressed through more intense and varied feelings, as well as a deeper and more precise way of processing information. Very sensitive people need more time to assimilate the stimuli ” he explains.
Garance discovered she was hypersensitive around the age of 7 or 8. “It was my father and the family doctor who followed me who put a word on what I experienced on a daily basis: a very high sensitivity to noise and touch and great emotivity, she confides. The word hypersensitive was immediately used – I think instinctively – because I do not believe that it was still recognized at that time (end of the 90s). "
The word – or rather the acronym HSP, "highly sensitive people" – entered the Anglo-Saxon jargon at the turn of the 2000s, with the publication of the bestseller of the American psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron entitled These people who are afraid to be afraid (Man's ed.). If the term is recent, sensitive people have always existed. "They were called differently before: delicate, shy, fierce, and even" ultra sensitive "in the 19th century" comments Saverio Tomasella.
People “raw” and “unfiltered”
How do you recognize a hypersensitive? “A highly sensitive person lives without a filter. For her, information arrives directly at all levels of sensitivity: sensations, emotions, intuitions, etc. That’s a lot of information at once, notes the psychoanalyst. She therefore quickly finds herself over-stimulated and experiences saturation. This hyperstimulation differentiates between a moderately sensitive person and a highly sensitive one. "
For many, hypersensitivity is synonymous with introversion. While it is true that the majority of hypersensitive people can be introverts and lack self-confidence, 30% of them are extroverts according to Elaine N. Aron.
"Often, a highly sensitive individual is impressionable, fatigable, he sees things to the first degree, feels raw, overexposed, overwhelmed", decrypts the psychoanalyst. Hypersensitive people are also hyperesthetic, their sensations are exacerbated. They find it difficult to endure too much noise, light, smells, movement. But high sensitivity also has many pleasant and beneficial facets: "Delicacy, finesse, subtlety, depth, authenticity, honesty, listening, compassion, inventiveness, commitment to preserve the planet, generosity, solidarity, spiritual quest, etc." lists Saverio Tomasella.
Being too sensitive in a hyposensitive society
As the psychoanalyst underlines, the sensitivity is unique to human beings. But in a society that values power and performance, this can be seen as a flaw. "The traditional society, heir to paternalism and machismo, is not very favorable to the sensitivity which it considers, wrongly, as a weakness" he analyzes. As a result, hypersensitive people often prefer to play low profile. They force themselves not to express their sensitivity, or do so in an ironic, cynical way that devalues them and accentuates their suffering.
“Until the late 1970s, human sensitivity was not considered 'too much'. Our societies, with the crises, the international trade war, technicality, materialism, consumerism, everything that is virtual, have led to a drop in the level of sensitivity ” notes Saverio Tomasella.
For the psychoanalyst, hypersensitivity would therefore only be the direct consequence of a society " hyposensitive ":" People who have remained sensitive are now referred to as 'hypersensitive' or 'highly sensitive', which is surprising because one should rather say that people who have reduced their sensitivity are 'hyposensitive'. So, how to live your sensitivity in such a context?
Taming your hypersensitivity
Rather than "controlling your emotions", wanting to change or "manage" your hypersensitivity, Saverio Tomasella advises to tame this state, to make it a strength. This can sometimes take a long time. “I grew up consciously of my hypersensitivity, but that didn't mean I accepted it. It was not until I was out of my teens and a few years of therapy later that I finally managed to learn to live with it and to discover its positive aspects ” says Garance.
Try to list the positive aspects of your hypersensitivity. It can lead you to have strong relationships with others, you are intuitive and creative, etc. It is necessary to free yourself from guilt.
To experience his high sensitivity, Saverio gives some tips on how to learn to relax depending on the situation. So, if you feel saturation coming, for example at work, the expert recommends taking a few minutes to “Walk, breathe, or just close your eyes and rest, so that all this inner turmoil will calm down”. It is only when you feel available again that you can start reaching out again and resume your work.
Is your child hypersensitive? "Prepare a 'place of refuge' for her in her bedroom, and even in class at school. This place can be a tent or a set of cushions on a carpet, a quiet place in a corner, poorly lit ” he recommends. "The highly sensitive adult, at home, will need to go to his room to listen to music or to be silent, to walk in the street or in a garden: he rests, calms down, goes out. of its state of saturation to be available again… ”.
* Author of Hypersensitivity for Dummies, ed. First
Sources:
These people who are afraid to be afraid – Better understand hypersensitivity, Elaine N. Aron, ed. of man
Hypersensitive. Too sensitive to be happy?, by Saverio Tomasella, ed. Eyrolles