Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is characterized by an absence of desire towards oneself and any other person. It was recognized for the first time by Doctor Myra Johnson, therapist at the hospital in Houston (Texas) in 1977. Asexuality is however to be distinguished from chastity and abstinence.
“We become asexual for different reasons. Some cannot stand the sight of the genitals, others cannot act. Asexuals can have satisfying orgasms at times, but this does not fuel their interest in personal or shared sex. They therefore do not invest it “, explains Virginie Clarenc, sex therapist.
What are the origins of asexuality?
“According to two studies from 1994 and 2004, 1% of the population is asexual, but more recent research is needed to have new figures. For several years, the word has been freed around this sexual orientation, in particular through associations and social networks.“, specifies the sex therapist
“Asexuality often has a common origin : the poverty of attachment ties in childhood. This is often the case when the child grows up in a family that does not express his emotions, where tender gestures are non-existent “, enlighten the specialist. Because of these emotional deficiencies, it is possible that a child will not explore his genitality. To be interested in sexuality with others, you must also be interested in your own sexuality in a caring environment.
“Some asexuals also have an exclusively genito-centered mode of self-stimulation. The pleasure felt is minimal with little enjoyment. This can be explained by a lack of exploration or masturbation during childhood. These people do not feel therefore no need to go out to meet a person in order to have sex with them. They see no desire or interest in it. “, details Virginie Clarenc.
Some asexuals can get involved in a romantic relationship by being very romantic. They are also in a search for fusion, love and tenderness. “Their genitality is poorly developed, they do not feel physical desire for the other, but only feel love and feelings. The couple is fulfilled when both partners are asexual and very lover. In case of desire for a child, we find these couples in procedures of Assisted reproduction (PMA) or adoption paths “, specifies Virginie Clarenc.
Asexuality remains rare, however. It is often confused with disorders of desire, pleasure, arousal or orgasm. To be sure, Virginie Clarenc recommends consulting a sexual health professional. “If making love alone or in pairs does not give pleasure, we risk losing interest and developing a sexual disorder. We can then wrongly imagine ourselves asexual. Consultation with a specialist helps distinguish asexuality from sexual disorders. “, completes the sex therapist.
How does a romantic relationship unfold?
Asexuals can fall in love and be fused with their partners. But when the partner is not asexual, significant frustrations in the sexual life can arise. “A very romantic asexual can sometimes have a very strong seductive attitude, but this behavior can send a contradictory injunction to the spouse. The couple can experience tensions and crises which can cause, as in all couples, a breakup. To help them, they can be taken care of by a sex therapist or therapist“, clarifies Virginie Clarenc.
In a couple, sex is rare or non-existent, but it can be accepted when the asexual person is afraid of the relationship ending. “The pleasure felt, even in the event of an orgasm, is not enough to feel the need to start again and to invest in an intimacy that is not gratifying. They therefore have no curiosity, inventiveness or fantasy“, says the sex therapist.
Asexual: should we consult a specialist?
Asexuals can be distressed and very isolated from their sexual orientation. They may feel left out of society where sexuality has a very important place. To help them, Virginie Clarenc recommends consulting a sexual health professional such as a sex therapist or a sex therapist. The goal of the work is not to force asexuals to have sexuality, but to help them come to terms with their sexual orientation.
Thanks to Virginie Clarenc, sex therapist
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