psychology
Being polite, respectful, and empathetic is how you become socially intelligent
You are not born with social intelligence, you can learn it
© Wayhome Studio / Adobe Stock
Social intelligence is demonstrated through behavior that goes far beyond mere human respect and courtesy. Three tips on how you can become like this yourself.
Socially intelligent people are very pleasant company. They communicate at eye level, are interested in the other person, do not take up much space and are nevertheless extremely interesting. Who wouldn’t want to be able to say that about themselves? In fact, there are certain traits that make social intelligence — and you can easily learn them. We have a few tips for that.
Social intelligence shows itself in dealing with criticism in a healthy way
There are people who don’t handle criticism very well. Even the slightest hint that certain behaviors or statements are worthy of criticism lead these people to either retreat into their shells in an offended mood or, alternatively, to protest furiously and loudly – and thus usually validate the point of criticism.
Socially intelligent people consider criticism: is it justified? Is it a misunderstanding? How is my counterpart doing with it?
Those who are socially intelligent do not automatically accept every point of criticism with a nod and in silence – in any case, such people first listen and let the other person finish their thoughts. And instead of letting their emotions take control and defending themselves, they first consider: Is the criticism justified? To what extent could this also be a misunderstanding? How must the other person feel that they are looking for a conversation?
Of course, it’s not always easy not to take criticism as a personal attack – it also depends on how it was formulated and how you relate to the person. With a little practice, however, you’ll find it easier and easier to resist the urge to justify yourself immediately. After all, criticism is first and foremost an attempt to change something for the better in a situation that is uncomfortable for at least one party. Socially intelligent people see this as an opportunity!
Your opinion is your opinion – but that doesn’t make it a fact
“What an idiot,” you may think when a person stands in front of you and behaves terribly. But with that thought you fell into a nasty trap, because at that moment you are judging or condemning a person and not their behavior at that moment. Especially when you are talking about it with other people, try not to give such people an attribute that makes them complete. “I had a pretty unpleasant experience with this person and felt very uncomfortable about it,” for example, is a statement where you stay with yourself and your perception.
Socially intelligent people know that they don’t fully embrace other people with a single attribute
Where’s the difference? With a person you’ve labeled an “idiot,” your gaze will be far more likely to rest on negative traits — you’ll instinctively look for “evidence” that will only reinforce your opinion. But socially intelligent people know that a person isn’t just one attribute – maybe the person was having a bad day, maybe they were uncomfortable themselves, maybe there was just a miscommunication. In the end you don’t know – and this ignorance is clear to socially intelligent people. They may have had a negative experience with the person, but that doesn’t mean that every further encounter has to be equally unpleasant.
This openness makes them flexible and forgiving in dealing with their fellow human beings – which is also more pleasant for them themselves, because after all they are not busy waiting for the next faux pas of their counterpart. This saves energy and time that you can use for other, nicer and more constructive things.
Other people’s feelings always have value
Building on the first two points, socially intelligent people have a keen eye for other people’s emotions—and respect them, whether they can relate to the feelings themselves or not. We know it ourselves: some days we just don’t feel good. When we’re communicating this to another person, the last thing we want to hear at that moment is something like, “Why are you feeling so bad? You have such a great life!”
The moment you respond to another person’s emotions, you show that person: I see and accept you for who you are.
An emotion cannot be “rationalized away”. You may not be able to empathize with the other person’s feelings – but the important next step is to recognize that you don’t necessarily have to. Your counterpart does not need the “absolution” from you to be allowed to be sad. Your counterpart needs you as a friend, partner, in short, as support at this moment. The moment you respond to another person’s emotions, you show that person: I see and accept you for who you are.
Sources used: huffpost.com, psychologytoday.com