“I feel a cold draft on my shoulders. I ask {the doctor} if it’s cancerous. Yes, it is. I take off my coat: now I’m too hot”says Géraldine Dormoy, journalist struck by breast cancer at the end of 2017 and author of the book Not so serious cancer. The announcement of the illness often plunges the patient into a state of astonishment… and those around them into anxiety. “Outside, I quickly come to my sensesshe continues a little further. The news didn’t devastate me. The shock was the ultrasound. As I write this several months after the fact, neither Mark (Ed. her husband) nor do I remember the phone call that I inevitably made to tell him that I had cancer, proof that this precise moment had little impact on us. No tears, no sadness. I’m already in action.”
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Even if there is a time – a pre-journey – between the suspicion of the disease and its confirmation, the announcement of breast cancer always constitutes a psychological shock. “Some patients are already discussing the exams they are undergoing and the possibility of cancer with their loved ones while others will prefer to wait for the results to talk about it,” confides Professor Steven Le Gouill, onco-hematologist and director of the Institut Curie hospital complex.
The announcement consultation is a special moment when the doctor communicates the results, confirms the diagnosis of the disease and discusses its management. “The consultation continues with an interview with a nurse who will go over the elements that the doctor mentioned. Often, as soon as we say the word cancer or chemotherapy, there is astonishment. This is why I advise patients to be accompanied by a person who will hear what is said and will possibly be able to reverberate afterwards.”
Once the diagnosis is confirmed, you have to digest the news. “It is essential to accompany the diagnosis with a perspective and this perspective is the treatmentinsists the specialist. We cannot separate the announcement of breast cancer from its treatment. This requires a long time to answer all the questions the patient has. Once she has all the elements in mind, it will be much easier for her to inform her loved ones.”
The patient goes through a process of acceptance. “After denial – are you sure of the diagnosis? It’s not a mistake? – comes anger: why me? What did I do? explains the specialist. Then sadness, dejection – sometimes you have to mourn a part of yourself, especially with breast cancer – and finally comes acceptance. Accepting means becoming an actor in your treatment.”. And to add: “Some patients skip stages, others get stuck at one stage, but you need to have progressed to then be able to talk about it better with your loved ones.”
… when announcing cancer to loved ones
Once the shock has passed, it is up to the patient to announce the illness to their loved ones and answer their questions. There are no rules in this matter. Géraldine Dormoy takes advantage of a dinner at her parents’ house with her son to take the plunge. “I announce that cancer cells have been discovered in my left breastshe writes. I still have a hard time saying I have cancer. Even less breast cancer. What I have seems too small for this term – 1.2 centimeters according to the biopsy. How big does cancer start? One after the other, they make me repeat it, incredulous. The third time, I look my mother straight in the eyes: “I have cancer.” I summarize the appointments with the doctors, the upcoming operation. I insist on the fact that “it is very localized “.“
The news of cancer often disrupts the family balance. The important thing is not to hide the truth from those close to you. Because you will need to be supported during treatment and they may see your attitude as a lack of confidence in them.
When should we talk about it? Whose ?
It all depends on the family context and what you want. “ Some patients may seek to protect their loved ones from the suffering they feel, or want to maintain their role in their familyexplains the National Cancer Institute. They then choose not to tell them about the illness right away. »
Professionals can help you find the words to explain your breast cancer to those around you. “We are not going to warn a 5-year-old child like we warn his parents or his spouse,” affirms Professor Steven Le Gouill. Hearing about cancer is scary. Wanting to protect your children is legitimate. “However, we must tell them the truthassures psychoanalyst Nicole Landry-Dattée in Rose Magazine. Because from a very young age they feel that there is something abnormal. The child may imagine that there is something serious about him or that he is responsible for what is happening. And if he discovers that someone has lied to him or hidden the truth, trust is broken with adults.”
Do not hesitate to be accompanied
If you feel helpless, if you have difficulty finding the words, do not hesitate to contact the onco-psychology service – if there is one in your care establishment – or to seek support from an association of patients.