Hitting, scolding, pulling the hair: According to a study by the University of Freiburg, physical violence is part of everyday life for every twentieth child, and psychological violence for every fourth Swiss child. In order to draw attention to the topic of “violence in upbringing”, Child Protection Switzerland has now designed the Emmo plush toy.
With this, Child Protection Switzerland wants to give a voice to the little ones, who often cannot express their feelings in words. With the plush monster, children signal when they are not doing well. In the initial state, Emmo laughs down both cheeks. If the parents don’t stop ranting or if they feel threatened in some other way, the child can turn their monster inside out: it’s gray, the face sad and his heart broken.
Unwanted violence
Regula Bernhard Hug (46), head of the child protection office in Switzerland, says: “When angry, parents are often so in their own films that they forget their relationship with their child and their feelings.” The cloth monster is supposed to remind them to stop and choose another path.
Very few parents wanted to hurt their child on purpose. On the contrary: According to the study by the University of Freiburg, almost all parents who sometimes experience violence strive for a non-violent upbringing. “But the switch can flip over quickly in the event of stress or a dispute,” says Bernhard Hug. “And there are actions or words that are bitterly regretted afterwards.”
Corona has exacerbated this problem. The Swiss specialist offices were overrun with calls from overwhelmed parents. Bernhard Hug says: “There were health, financial, even existential concerns of the parents, all of which were risk factors for violence.” Due to the closed schools and the home office, being together in a confined space was added for a long time. External bodies such as teachers or day-care center supervisors were no longer available, which is why they could neither identify nor report any dangers.
Politics of nonviolent upbringing
According to Bernhard Hug, violence was an accepted educational method three generations ago. Today society is sensitized, but this leads to new problems: “Instead of in public space, the violence takes place hidden in the children’s room.”
The problem is political. Today, according to the Federal Supreme Court, violence in upbringing is permitted to a socially tolerated level. Specialists are calling for an explicit ban. The National Council has just spoken out clearly for the first time in favor of the introduction of the right to a non-violent upbringing. The Council of States will decide next – probably in the winter session.
Parent counselor Patrizia Luger (44) has tips: This is how parents can defuse stressful situations
Defiant phases are important development steps for children. Parents should have emergency strategies ready for quarreling: for example, take a deep breath, do jumping jacks, climb stairs or go out into the fresh air for a moment. Important: The responsibility to defuse the situation always rests with the parents and never with the child. So that the stress level is not constantly on the verge of exploding, the needs of the parents should be met as well as possible.
If an argument escalates anyway, you should reflect on the situation for yourself and consider which reaction would have been better. In a further step, you can apologize to the child and explain what made you angry. If parents have not learned to deal with anger themselves, they lack the variety of strategies that are needed to do so. By reflecting together, they can learn this right away with the child. There are always nonviolent alternatives – but you have to know them.
Defiant phases are important development steps for children. Parents should have emergency strategies ready for quarreling: for example, take a deep breath, do jumping jacks, climb stairs or go out into the fresh air for a moment. Important: The responsibility to defuse the situation always rests with the parents and never with the child. So that the stress level is not constantly on the verge of exploding, the needs of the parents should be met as well as possible.
If an argument escalates anyway, you should reflect on the situation for yourself and consider which reaction would have been better. In a further step, you can apologize to the child and explain what made you angry. If parents have not learned to deal with anger themselves, they lack the variety of strategies that are needed to do so. By reflecting together, they can learn this right away with the child. There are always nonviolent alternatives – but you have to know them.