psychology
My mother, the energy vampire: 6 tips against clingy mothers
© Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
Many people know clingy mothers. They occur in every age group and can rob you of a lot of energy. We have six helpful tips to help keep mom at a distance (if necessary) but still happy.
Our relationship with our mothers changes over the course of our lives. When we are children, mom is still our greatest role model and we want to be just like her. Staggering around in their high heels and stealing their red lipstick. During puberty, we suddenly want the complete opposite, namely as little as possible to agree with the person who raised us. And at some point we want one thing above all: independence and living our own lives!
On average, young people don’t leave home that early: girls around the age of 23, boys are in less of a hurry and leave their parents’ home at the age of 25. So we spend a quarter of a century under one roof. Quite a long time. It’s no surprise that mothers find it difficult to let go in some cases.
Nevertheless, it can be really stressful in everyday life when parents constantly get in the way. With well-intentioned advice, constant calls or accusations like “You could show yourself again!”. In any case, not exactly conducive to a good relationship. Sometimes we would like to run away, but our mothers are part of our lives – and in a way that’s nice.
The following strategies can help with this Dealing with helicopter mothers.
6 tips that can help clingy mothers
1. It depends on your feeling
If you make your mom feel like she’s still a part of your life, she’s much more likely to give you the space you want. It’s best to identify one or two rituals that you do together regularly and that you both enjoy, for example going out for brunch once a month. This way your mom always feels included and you can still do your own thing.
2. Communication is key
Nobody can read minds. It is therefore important that you express to those around you what is going on within you. Differences in perception are often the reason for disputes. While you may feel completely under siege, your mother may have a completely different feeling. So tell her openly and honestly what you think. This is the only way you can find a solution.
3. Set boundaries
You have the right to live your life the way you want. So set clear boundaries and stand up for yourself. You alone decide what is ok and what is not. Be open and honest and listen to what the other side has to say. You can also say no, for example to:
- Constant calls, check calls
- Unannounced visits
- Unreasonable accusations and demands
4. Empathy helps
Try to empathize with your mom and exchange your anger for understanding. After all, some of the things that annoy you about your mom are probably also in you. What would she wish for to be able to deal with the situation better? Of course, these wishes must not be utopian.
5. Small gestures, big impact
Keeping your distance is often not helpful and can even have the opposite effect. Namely, that your mom is clinging even more because she is afraid of losing you. Let them be part of your life. Send a few photos every now and then or make a video call. This hardly takes any time and relaxes the situation.
6. Talking is the best medicine
It can also help to talk to friends. How do others handle similar situations? Most of the time we are not alone with our worries and shared problems are often only half as bad.
Sources used: welt.de, spiegel.de, ze.tt.de, bfriends.gettotext.de