Everything paletti between you and your sweetheart? Or are you not quite sure? In any case, psychologists recognize a healthy relationship based on these eight criteria.
A varied, fulfilling sex life, trust, the one or other little thing with which one makes the partner happy – definitely everything conducive to a healthy, happy relationship. But according to couple therapists, what are the most important criteria by which you can recognize a healthy relationship? We made ourselves smart and asked.
8 criteria for a healthy relationship
1. You are there for each other – not everyone for yourself!
In a healthy relationship, partners focus more on what they can give each other to make them happy – less on what they want or what they lack. You love "to give, not to get what you need", says Dominik Borde, couple therapist and relationship expert from Vienna. In his experience, couples who are happy in the long term place the partner's wellbeing above their own. But of course this only works if BOTH do it – because only then will both be taken care of equally …
2. You make your time together something special!
In a healthy relationship, the partners rely on each other – but they never take for granted. They consciously take time for each other and value shared experiences that strengthen their bond. Only in this way, our experts say, does love have a chance to survive in the long term. (Small tip: rule 2-2-2! Thank you later …)
3. You are best friends!
"For me, a healthy relationship is characterized by a deep friendship between the partners," says Hamburg-based therapist Eric Hegmann, because friendly values such as trust, benevolence and solidarity are essential for every partnership. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche also knew: " Marriages fail not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of friendship. " And if even Nietzsche thinks so …
4. You say "I love you" – because you mean it!
In a healthy relationship, partners say the magic three words because they feel them, not because they should. "It is wrong for many couples to use the words 'I love you' as a hackneyed formula that, thoughtlessly, means nothing special," says Borde. If, on the other hand, you consciously decide to say the words (and ideally look your partner in the eye), the expert can feel that they love you through them.
5. Changes weld you together!
Changes are a test for most partnerships. But: "In a stable relationship, the partners trust that changes cannot separate them," said Hegmann. "With increasing experience, the partners become more and more secure when they experience that they have created common values and achieved goals. This ensures confidence and optimism." So while shaky partnerships tend to break apart from serious changes, they weld partners in a healthy relationship even closer – because they ultimately unite true love.
6. You fight at eye level!
As US researchers found in a large-scale long-term study, couples who have the same strategy for resolving conflicts live happier and healthier longer than those in whom the partners deal with conflicts differently. So if you prefer to actively and emotionally and assertively remove both discrepancies, that's a good sign for your relationship. Likewise, if you two tend to wait until the waves smooth out again on their own. However, if you use different strategies, there is a greater risk that at least one of you could become unhappy in the relationship in the long term.
7. You are at peace with yourself!
A healthy relationship requires self-love and self-confidence in both partners. Borde added: "Only when you are at peace with yourself will others be ready to love you as you are. Those who take refuge in a couple relationship because they feel lonely, cannot be alone or are looking for someone, who will support him in every situation, the partner will get lost sooner or later. " Of course, your partner should also take care of you and support you in a healthy relationship (and vice versa) – but not because you need it, but because he loves you.
8. You influence each other!
Huh? You shouldn't change your partner !? Right! But in a healthy relationship, partners still influence each other, not actively, but rather passively, according to Hegmann. Because they admire, respect and just love each other. Just like your partner is your best friend, she is the most trustworthy advisor, the person you tell your secrets to, and the greatest inspiration. No wonder that happy couples often become more similar over time. Not because one tries to change the other, but because both – consciously or unconsciously – take over from the other what they particularly admire about him.
Our experts
Dominik Borde is a relationship coach and offers his "social dynamics" in Vienna to support singles and couples in coping with a wide variety of problems and challenges. He is currently enthusiastic, among other things, with his practical seminar on "You can learn to love".
The Hamburg-based therapist Eric Hegmann has now developed numerous online courses and tests based on his many years of practical experience that can help singles and couples to understand themselves better and to overcome challenges. Hegmann continues to assist numerous people as a therapist.
