Criticize properly
Is your partner annoying you? That’s how you tell him
© Tiko Aramyan / shutterstock
Okay, your sweetheart may make mistakes, but the wrong way of criticizing will make it a lot worse. We’ll tell you how “good” criticism works that is also well received.
Sometimes, however, our loved ones can also piss us off. They forget important things, spend hours dodging on their cell phones or are not listening properly. Before you start stumbling, however, you should pause and consider a few tips for the correct art of fighting. You can destroy a lot with the wrong words. And after all, your relationship should get better and not worse.
We have the therapist and author Sandra Konrad (“Making love: How relationships really work”) asked what she advises about criticism.
3 expert tips on how to properly and fairly criticize your: n partner
1. How do I best formulate criticism?
“It’s always good to name things in the form you want and to stick to your own feelings. But it’s not just about the famous ‘I-messages’. ‘I think you’re an asshole’ is at first glance too an I-message. But what are the feelings? Am I angry or disappointed? What exactly? Often we generalize our accusations with ‘never’ or ‘always’, so that the other has to justify himself immediately in order not to feel destroyed. “
2. What does “destroy” mean?
“General criticism of the person or the partner: in instead of concrete criticism of his or her behavior. To justify oneself instead of responding to the feelings of the other person. Contempt and withdrawal. If you lose emotional contact with your sweetheart in an argument and into a destructive one If you get into a spiral of conflict, it is better to break off the discussion. At the same time, arrange a new, timely appointment to continue talking in a ‘cooler’ way. If you cannot resolve a conflict on your own, seek therapeutic help – the sooner the better. Getting support is not a declaration of bankruptcy, but a sign of how important your relationship is to you. “
3. How should it be instead?
“Nobody can read minds. Open up to one another: Share your feelings, your fears, your wishes. Don’t wait until disappointments and frustration have built up and you only have problem discussions or even think about a breakup. Important: Sometimes change Needs over time. Don’t fail to tell your partner: in these changes. Changes are a sign of vitality and growth. And nothing is more fulfilling than a connection between two people who keep turning to each other and trying to find the / them others: n to understand. “