We know: the ideas received around sexuality and desire die hard. They can lead to guilt but also interfere with pleasure. Among the most entrenched prejudices is the idea that desire varies by gender. "I want to break this cliché which is that it's supposedly always the men who want it a lot and the women who they want it less, it's not like that. It can be one like that can be the 'other", rectifies Alexandra Hubin, sex therapist and founder of SexoPositive.
Another stubborn misconception: there is an ideal number of sexual relations. "Scientists have tried to come up with the magic number, the number of times a week that it would be good for a couple to have sex and that is completely unrealistic because our sexual desire is fluctuating.", corrects Alexandra Hubin.
Desire: "our sexuality is not linear"
Daily stress, work or even routine can actually have an impact on sex life. And when the desire dies, questions arise. "Don't worry, this is a completely natural and logical pattern. Our sexuality is not linear.", explains the sex therapist.
If desire is often at its peak at the beginning of a relationship, time and the vagaries of life can disturb it, and this is quite normal. The decrease in desire can nevertheless create tensions in the couple when the gap between the two partners is important. "The person who has more sexual desire often develops a feeling of rejection in fact, the impression that the other likes us less. And conversely, the person who has less desire often develops a feeling of guilt.", explains Alexandra Hubin.
How to find a sexual complicity?
To ease tensions and help the couple regain serenity and sexual balance, the sex therapist recommends cultivating an emotional bond to find the path to sexual complicity. She therefore advises:
- ofavoid reproach and focus on the positive. "I think what you have to do is talk and go back to the basics: your own desires. Not to talk about non-desires, not to talk about what is wrong with your relationship but rather to say to yourself: ' what could feed us? '", she indicates.
- of develop your bond, "by cooking, playing board games, going for a walk, getting closer, doing activities that are perhaps a little more sensual, why not massages or take a bath together (…) and to laugh, laughter is very important ", explains the sex therapist.
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