How many pickings can mom take? When children test this, strong nerves are required. Tips from the child and adolescent psychologist Dr. Eva Busch, lecturer at the Winnicott Institute of the Evangelical University of Applied Sciences and Arts Hanover.
Do not tolerate child beatings
What is it when children beat their parents?
In their third year of life, they experience a conflict between their desire for self-determination and the parental commandments. For example, the education in cleanliness leads to the question of how they determine their bodies, but can still adapt to general rules. Depending on their temperament, they therefore try out punches and kicks if they want to assert themselves. The child feels its power and is happy to see what excitement it can cause.
And how do you best react in such cases?
You must immediately, seriously but calmly, make it clear that you will not tolerate beatings. So say loudly and firmly "No", look into the child's eyes and hold his arm. Children are also willing to accept compromises, they can already understand a rule such as "Better to speak loudly instead of kicking".
Many parents are hurt when they are slapped by their child.
"I am tall and the child is small" – father and mother must never forget this sentence! If the child realizes that it can hurt or upset the adult, it can no longer rely on them. But children want to feel protected. When a three-year-old, who cannot yet assess his strength, hits the parents, there is always the question: Am I dangerous for you? The answer must of course be a clear "no". This is the only way to signal your child: "I protect you! I can make sure that nothing happens to you!"
What if my child is spanked by a rabid peer?
That takes care of itself: During the third year of life, children begin to defend themselves. Beating is a natural reflex – it becomes active as soon as a child is seriously attacked. So parents can confidently concentrate on showing their child other reactions to violence: clear words, a confident tone, physical distance.
When is childish punching, scratching and beating no longer harmless? After half a year this time of physical tests of strength should be over. The child's behavior outside the family also plays a role. Does it hit not only its parents but also children? How do you get along with other people? If the unsightly moments get out of hand, this can be understood as a call for help from the child: he feels exposed to a situation that he cannot cope with. One could translate his aggressions with: "I need more support", "I lack orientation" or "I am afraid".
Then what should you do?
The task of the parents is now: they have to know what they find right. And convey that to your child. That gives him security. But of course they must be aware that children can be impulsive and are not always cute.
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.