Miriam Peters talks about her work in the country’s only “incognito” counseling mobile for women who have experienced violence.
In March 2021, the studied social worker Miriam Peters founded a counseling center for women and children affected by violence. The “Land-Grazien” offer is aimed at those who live in the countryside and have hardly any bus connections available. Areas where women’s shelters are often full and understaffed. Of women who, because of their partner’s surveillance, can’t even drive three hours away to supposedly buy milk and actually just want to seek help.
Contact can be made via Instagram or by phone. Possible meetings take place in the mobile advisory service, which looks like a craftsman’s bus from the outside. There is no fixed location – the “land graces” travel incognito to agreed meeting points so that, if possible, no perpetrator or anyone else notices. Those affected receive the support they want – be it just a conversation, going to the police together, accompaniment to escape or assistance with applications. An important work that shows how much more present the topic is than many assume… BRIGITTE spoke to Ms. Peters.
BRIGITTE: Ms. Peters, how are you today?
Miriam Peters: It works like that, actually. Yesterday we had a request for advice from a woman, which we unfortunately had to turn down. It was about forced prostitution and human trafficking. We are simply not specialized in that. But it does hurt when you have to say: ‘I’m sorry, you’re in the wrong place’.
Were you then able to at least refer the woman?
Yes, that’s it. We have given her other contact details where she can get in touch. But of course it is also frustrating, for ourselves, and especially for the woman. Then she finally has the courage and then it comes out: We are not responsible.
Does this happen more often?
No, not actually. But of course we also have limits in order to maintain technicality and professionalism.
How many are currently working at Land-Grazien?
We are four women, but none of us have full-time jobs. We have a dual student who has now started over. We have me as a social worker and coordination person. And then we have an administrative specialist and a 450 euro employee. We are definitely chronically understaffed.
Especially probably because demand is very high?
She is huge. We thought it was a Corona thing, that’s where we started. But things didn’t get better because then came the war, inflation and fears. What you really notice now are the consequences of the contact restrictions. Children who are mentally disturbed. Families who have incurred debts due to short-time work or because the money was generally no longer enough. You may even have lost your job. And of course all of this creates even more stress factors at home. At the moment we have five to six initial contacts per week, i.e. women we have never dealt with before.
Violent. And what is the age range?
We just did our quarterly statistics and 23 percent were under 18. These are young girls who often have their first boyfriend and have already experienced sexual assault. And the oldest woman was 82.
How do they then contact you?
They often contact us anonymously with an account via social media. We only find out their age and, if we’re lucky, where they are by building a relationship, i.e. by writing to each other. Often at the beginning it’s like a test that they ask who we are and whether we can be trusted and whether we really don’t tell anyone else anything. But we can’t tell you anything because we don’t have any data. And for example, grandma just called.
And what’s next?
This is very individual. Most of the time the first question is, tell me what’s going on and what your wish is. Then we talk to each other and come to a conclusion about how to proceed. Sometimes it’s just that you need confirmation for what you already feel. Or you just want some advice on how to deal with the situation. Or leave the suffering somewhere – we can do that very well.
Is it difficult not to judge immediately or decide something yourself?
The most important principle for us is actually the principle of self-determination. The woman can decide exactly what her life should look like. And then we have to accept that. There was a situation where we met with a woman who was finding out what financial things she would be entitled to if she separated? How does the house look? What would they generally expect? And then she decided to stay with the man. Arguing that she doesn’t want to give up her social status because of one moment a month when she gets beaten up. This is also a decision that we do not have to evaluate or accept on a professional level.
What is the most common type of violence you witness?
Most of the time it is psychological violence that starts it. Actually, all women have experienced this when they contact us. And then it depends on how much things escalated at home. Whether physical, sexual or economic violence was also added. Often it’s like a cycle. Every now and then there is more and then there is nothing at all. Then there is the contract phase and then it starts again and there may be more to come.
What warning signs should every woman pay attention to?
First: If he tortures your pet, that’s an absolute no-go. Second: If he forbids you from contact with your family or your closest friends. And third: If he wants to start monitoring you via location services. He just wants to look after you and make sure you’re okay. You now have to turn this off on iPhones if you don’t want it. Many women who contact us are actually monitored 24/7 by their partner. And for them to go to an advice center where the address is openly known can mean life-threatening danger.
Has it ever been dangerous for you because your partner suddenly showed up?
Yes indeed. We weren’t traveling with the mobile counseling service, but rather accompanied a woman on her escape. Then we are on the motorway, a colleague, the woman with her two and a half year old child and I. We wanted to go to the nearest women’s shelter. And suddenly the perpetrator was in the car next to us.
What went through your mind?
I was afraid. There was a lot of tension in the car, it was really special. We drove to the nearest police station and then suddenly he was gone.
Looking back, what else would you say was the craziest experience so far?
We once met a woman in the mobile counseling service with whom we had been talking for a long time. That was great. So what does great mean? We were happy that she agreed to the meeting. And then the conversation was over and she seemed okay, if you can put it that way. And then she got up and the seat was covered in blood. I gave her a tampon because that could happen. But then it turned out she had just been raped and was therefore late for the meeting. It was so bad that she had internal bleeding. We immediately called an ambulance, she agreed and went to the hospital.
I’m speechless… Is there anything you can recommend as prevention?
Have your own bank account that the man doesn’t have access to. In our opinion, the best violence prevention one can have is financial independence. Because of course you can leave someone quicker and you are more independent and also have more power, because money is power when you own something yourself. And: listen to your gut feeling. If you feel like there’s something wrong, then fucking listen to it. You are often brought up in such a way that at some point you no longer listen to it. But it’s so important. Most of the time something is not kosher. You may not be able to quite say what yet, but something is wrong.
And in the special case that you have children: What should you pay particular attention to?
Take the children seriously, no matter what they say. Children and young people often tell us that no one takes them seriously and that they are laughed at. According to the motto: Oh, this is your first friend, there will be difficulties. It can happen, then you just look for the next one. Such clichés are then said instead of taking what is said seriously and, in the best case scenario, listening non-judgmentally and offering support.
And you also have a special offer for children of those affected, right?
Exactly, the kids club. This is currently for the children of the women who seek advice from us. There are currently twelve children doing a TikTok project, for example. They make videos by children for children on the topic of violence prevention. What do I do as a child if something happens to me? Who can I talk to? What are the options? How do I feel better? This has been well received, which makes us very happy.