Almost everyone knows them or has met one: energy vampires – people who are broken themselves and pull others down. Here we explain how you can recognize them and how best to deal with them.
Admittedly, calling someone an energy vampire isn’t exactly charming. But what can you do? There they are now: People who drain us mentally and emotionally. In whose presence we inevitably feel uncomfortable and that make us feel powerless and weak.
This is not meant to be malicious, but an important statement. Because recognizing such people as energy vampires and treating them as such is the first step in protecting ourselves from them – and ultimately even helping them…
What problem do energy vampires have?
Generally speaking, energy vampires primarily lack their own energy and courage. You have a disturbed self-esteem and they try unconsciously (!) to compensate with their behavior. Experiences that can turn people into energy thieves are, for example:
- mobbing
- lack of parental love and attention
- great pressure and high expectations from the outside
- emotional or physical abuse
- unfounded childhood guilt that has settled (for parental separation, toward older siblings, financial problems…)
- sensory overload and overload
Many people need professional helpif they experience something like that, or at least Time and space for self-reflection and concern to process their trauma and wounds. Those who get neither can develop one of the following personality disorders, which makes them – for others – an energy vampire.
Energy Vampires: 5 types of power stealers
In her book “From shadow to light. How to recognize energy thieves and free yourself” (ZS Publisher) physician Christiane Nostrup differentiates between the following five types of energy stealer personalities:
- sociopaths
- Psychopaths (Histrionic Personality Disorder)
- narcissists
- frontier workers
- antisocial
Important: This typification refers to people whose personality disorder has the consequence that they cross other people’s boundaries and thereby rob them of their strength. But everyone deals with challenges differently! This means that not all people who live with one of these disorders are energy vampires, but all energy vampires usually fall into one of these groups.
Common to all five types is that they tend to think and behave in a theatrical, overly emotional, and unpredictable manner. You will now find out what distinguishes them from each other and how exactly the energy vampire types suck us dry.
1. The sociopath aka the victim
What is particularly noteworthy about sociopaths is that they lie and cheat without feeling remorse or guilt. Sociopaths lack one thing in particular: empathy. They take no responsibility for their actions, are often aggressive and sometimes even violent. The result: If you deal with a sociopath, you will not only be treated badly by them, but you will often also feel responsible and guilty for it. Because although they are actually the perpetrators, sociopaths see themselves as victims and thus trigger a bad conscience in their counterpart.
2. The Psychopath aka Mister Perfect
People with histrionic personality disorder get attention through extremes. They always know everything (but can never prove it), know every feeling (only a hundred times worse), have blatant mood swings and are very concerned about their appearance. Next to Mister Perfect psychopaths you disappear with your problems, feelings, experiences and feel like an insignificant nothing.
3. The narcissist aka the navel of the world
Narcissists see themselves as the center of the universe – and not only that of their own, but that of all people. So they think it’s okay and even find it okay to manipulate others and exercise power and control. Narcissists want to be in the limelight and be admired, whoever does not follow suit will be punished – and any means are justified. When we are with a narcissist, without realizing it, we lose our independence and autonomy.
4. The border crosser aka the transit traveller
For border crossers (English “Borderliner”), life is one big rush. When everything is great one moment and the world is one big cotton candy palace, the next moment everything can be in ruins and nothing makes sense anymore. Torn themselves, border crossers are masters (unwittingly, of course) at disrupting and dividing others. Anyone dealing with such a person can only rely on one thing: that they cannot rely on anything at all!
5. The antisocial aka the bag holder
Anti-social personality types tend to stay on the fringes of communities and are only available when there is something to give out. But that’s exactly how they often achieve something magical: that their “victims” approach them! Bag holders can take and take, but when the donor needs something themselves, they give nothing back. The highlight: As a rule, antisocial people don’t even get into the embarrassment of having to pull themselves out of the affair. Because, for some wondrous reason, their victims usually don’t even think of turning to their bag holder when they need something themselves.
Get rid of energy vampires!
Even if you now most likely feel pity: If you have an energy vampire in your environment, you should urgently distance yourself from them – at least emotionally! Healing an energy vampire while dealing with a life of your own is next to impossible.
Do you have scruples about leaving your energy thief to fend for itself? Then you have a big task ahead of you: learn to love yourself! Because if YOU are not worth enough to protect yourself from an energy vampire, you are more likely to become one yourself than to heal others. You should also be clear about: Your loyalty feeds the energy vampire and confirms his behavior. Oftentimes, at the point where there is no one left to compensate for their disruption, energy vampires come to the realization that they need help. In this respect, keeping your distance is the only sensible step in a relationship with an energy robber – for you and the vampire!
Video tip: 5 signs your partner is an energy vampire 