psychology
Couples therapy was yesterday, now comes friendship therapy
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Even in the longest friendships we can drift apart. Because of work, where we live, a relationship, family… We often find it difficult to talk about it or feel like we’re going around in circles when we do. But is therapy needed straight away?
You don’t feel heard or seen – but your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t even notice that something is wrong. Do you have something that is really exciting for you to tell, but it is not discussed further and is countered with your own story? – There are many possible reasons why a person may not feel valued in one Friendship feels. Unfortunately, it is often the case that they carry this around with them for quite a while until contact is broken off or an argument occurs.
Behaviors that hurt or disgust us, can affect us even in long-term friendships. She can alienate us if we are not willing to talk about it. Especially those who have known each other well and for a long time often expect more from the other than in a fresh friendship. However, we rarely communicate our wishes and ideas for the relationship – and one person often gets lost in the unspoken demands that he/she has on the other person. So do we really need friendship therapy?
Mastering difficult conversations with friends
Yes, you are adults. Yes, you know each other well. But It is often difficult to recognize and accept the mistakes in one’s own behavior. Especially when the statements come from a person whose behavior we are dissatisfied with. The very first tip in a struggling friendship: Don’t write about it. If you have problems with friends, you should sit down together if possible. Because there is a lot of room for interpretation when writing. And what was meant to be neutral by one side is a direct attack for the other.
We often need a person’s tone of voice to correctly assess a situation. Because if we read a text with a negative default attitude, it will often sound more negative to us. If you can’t get together in one place because you live in different places, it’s better to make a phone call or a video call first. But not just in between. But on a date where you both Time and peace have for it.
You can also lay down certain basic principles in advance that will help you:
When can friendship therapy make sense?
If you notice that a conversation doesn’t help with your dissatisfaction, you may need it new communication techniques. You could practice these with a therapist. Because we often already know a lot. But having read and understood something is often something completely different than actually applying the knowledge. This applies to, for example Active listening as well as Change of perspective with your friend.
Friendship therapy can help you a safe space give to talk to each other. The outside person makes sure that you both have your say and reflect on what was said. It helps you to understand the situation and the background of the other person – and therefore why you are in this situation in the first place. Therapy helps you, your own to understand thought processes and support you, to work on healthier behaviors.
Why we should work on friendships
Healthy friendships are good for our mental health. If we are dissatisfied with this or are in an argument, all the beautiful moments we have experienced are often forgotten. It may make sense to remind yourself of these. Remember together the little trips you took, fun movie nights or relaxing afternoons with tea and cake for two. Try to balance the negative thoughts with the nostalgic, beautiful ones. If contact dwindles, you could plan to talk on the phone or meet up every month.
Friendships improve our everyday lives and help us understand ourselves better. They have health benefits – both mental and physical. Because our friends are often the ones with whom we go out and do things. They are there for us, they motivate us and give us more self-confidence. They can also help us be less stressed. Psychological research assumes that A healthy, stable friendship is crucial for a long and happy life is. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), people with close friends are also less likely to develop depression or anxiety disorders.
Sources used: thriveworks.com, verywellmind.com, apa.org, mhanational.org