Ever heard of gym shaming? A pretty unnecessary phenomenon. Heide Fuhljahn knows how stupid it can feel.
Recently I had a completely new experience, amazing for someone who is over 40. My life as a freelancer didn’t fit in with my usual martial arts training times, so I spontaneously decided to take a Pilates class. Clear case of overconfidence: I exercise regularly, so it will work out, I thought. How difficult can this special gymnastics be?
Quite. The course took place in a loft, the last light of the day glowed through the roof windows. The third exercise was the balance. I fell over. I was never good at keeping my balance. Then: pull the right knee up to the belly button, hold it briefly and then stretch the leg out in front of me. I fell over again. From the quadruped position we were supposed to move into a 3-D twist: stretch the left arm horizontally to the side and then to the ceiling, the upper body turns, the gaze follows the hand. It didn’t even come close to succeeding. To put it briefly: For 60 embarrassing minutes I experienced how little flexibility and stability I have. Especially since everyone else could do the exercises and was slimmer and younger than me. With shame burning right down to the tips of my hair, I crept home.
Since then I have known the phenomenon Gym shaming or gym anxiety, that you read a lot about on social media: the fear of embarrassing yourself in the gym – and therefore not daring to go there at all. It is greater than the impulse to do more sport there or to do it again. Some feel intimidated by a lack of knowledge: how do you train the fascia, how do the machines work? Others fear that they are too fat, too old or too unathletic – for gyms as well as for sports clubs, dance floors, swimming pools or yoga studios. For example, I don’t like having the exercises explained to me by young people who look like competitive athletes, while I myself am shaped like a pear.
The shame of going to the gym often comes from childhood
Of course, some men also feel uncomfortable when training; they too are exposed to the pressure that a trained body is considered a status symbol today. Nevertheless, women are particularly affected by this sport shame. “When training, there is often a discrepancy: between the real body and the inner ideal image that arises from culture and socialization. It dictates how you have to look,” explains Prof. Jens Kleinert from the Psychological Institute of the German Sport University Cologne.However, if I do not live up to this attractive self or consider myself to be insufficiently capable, fear or shame often arise. Like all early learning experiences, these feelings are extremely difficult to change.”
Understanding the causes helps. The shame of going to the gym is often a continuation of an experience that many women have as children: their bodies are devalued – and sport is used as an educational measure to change it. “My parents told me early on that I was too fat, and at school I experienced the classic: I was the last one to be called up for a team in the hated dodgeball,” says sociologist Janine Berg-Peer. “If I didn’t get on the horse in gymnastics, the teacher said that I should eat less and try harder. She was sure to get laughs from her classmates. Since then I hate sports. The strange thing is: when I look at photos from my school days today, I may look a little strong, but by no means fat.”
The problem is that these early, shameful experiences often feel individual, personal. Yet the textbooks of sports sociologists, gender researchers and sports scientists are full of similar examples. But women only experience this as adults – and by then the shame has had time to take root in the brain. “In elementary school, I was really good at swimming, faster than the boys,” says Stefanie Opel, a banking economist. “But my period started when I was nine, I was the first to have feminine curves and was insulted as an ‘oil tanker’. Now I suffer from lipedema, Swimming would do me good, but I don’t dare go into the pool. I feel exposed to people’s gazes, and I’ve heard pensioners whispering angrily behind my back.”
What we can do about it
It’s good that at least things are slowly changing. Because today, knowledge about this is out there in the world and is changing the framework. There are specific courses just for women, just for older people, just for overweight people or just for people with disabilities. The key word is: safe space. For some, this is at home, with online sports, which are now increasingly being offered by women who do not fit any ideal: like yoga teachers Jessamyn Stanley (@mynameisjessamyn) and Sophie Schwarz (@sophies_safespace). “In my courses, the inhibition threshold should be as low as possible,” says 33-year-old Schwarz. “My participants don’t even have to turn on their cameras online. I want to convey that in my safe space, it doesn’t matter what I look like, how flexible I am or what clothes I wear. Most people who are overweight have a similar story and pain. That is what connects us.”
Jens Kleinert recommends actively counteracting shame: “I can be proud of my body, especially when it is different. I don’t look like everyone else, I am special. Changing your self-image doesn’t happen overnight; a rational approach alone is not enough. But I can allow myself to be different“, said the doctor.
I’ve been working on it for many years, it never stops. I train to gain strength, stamina and freedom of movement. I still need to get going for the next Pilates class, until then I’ll go to Ju-Jutsu and aqua gym. Also because there are no mirrors there. But above all because I don’t let anyone take away my enjoyment of sport.
In her new book, Heide Fuhljahn tells even more about what she experiences in a world obsessed with slimness: “Alone among thin people” (304 pp., 18 euros, Knaur).
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