I have a group of close friends who formed during my studies, in Paris, at the end of the 1990s. We are a good fifteen. Year after year, we have always followed each other, even if today, with the children, work – and let’s not talk about the Covid – we see each other more rarely. I know we can count on each other, our friendship is strong.
In 1998, with one of these good friends, Marc, we decided to spend the New Year together. In the company of two of her friends, we left near Cap Fréhel, in Brittany, to a pretty family home. It was nice and mild. We were fine, it was a very pleasant stay. The moorland covered in pink and yellow flowers along the cliffs gave us memorable walks under blue skies and crisp air typical of winters in this region. On the evening of the 31st, we ate a seafood platter, chatted, put on some music… It wasn’t the party of the century, but it was friendly. During these four or five days, I noticed that Lucie seemed interested. We got closer, we joked, and I understood that we liked each other. She provoked me, threw me pikes with broad smiles on my favorite subjects, such as architecture. Lucie was a good friend of Marc, but also his ex.
A form of possession
The stay was coming to an end, and we left for Paris. We got into my old Fiat Uno from the early 1990s, faithful but no longer very valiant. We dropped off the girls at the station, and the two of us, Marc and I, found ourselves in the car, with 450 km to go. This is where the sky fell on my head. Our two friends had barely left when Marc launched into a long, brutal tirade to explain to me that I didn’t have to flirt with Lucie; that he did not understand that I, his friend, could be receptive to his advances; basically, a kind of very well-argued “hands off my ex”.
“I found his point of view liberticidal: Lucie and I could do what we wanted, it was no longer his business! »
I didn’t agree at all. Once he was done pouring out all his gall, I defended my position. I found his point of view liberticidal: Lucie and I could do what we wanted, it was no longer his business! You can’t lock someone eternally into their role as an ex, as if there were a form of territoriality or possession. In light of current societal movements, I realize that his behavior can be interpreted as misogyny, but it was not; I am convinced that if we had been gay, it would have happened the same way. It is the relationship to the other that is in question, in my opinion. Anyway, since he was no longer in love with her, I didn’t see where the problem was, and that’s what I told him.
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