In a romantic relationship, there are generally five classic stages through which the couple goes. At the beginning, there are the butterflies in the belly and then?
We all have unique love stories. But this does not prevent each couple from spending most of the time through classic stages in the development of their romantic relationship. From “everything is beautiful, everything is perfect, I am living a real fairy tale” to “fed up with never sharing the mental load” or “but why did I put myself in a relationship with this person, what is it? that I could find him? ” going through “it’s more a friend than a lover”, there are multiple stages … and very variable outcomes.
If you are wondering what stage your relationship is at. And want to know what will be the next step (and how to best prepare for it), it is useful to know the most frequent evolutions of a romantic relationship. Because we all know that the famous “they married and had many children” is only in the books. And still happy!
Phase 1: the great craze
At the start of a relationship, we are usually totally euphoric. As if we were wearing rose-colored glasses, we see the partner in a very idealized way. Flaws, weaknesses? NEVER. The explanation? We don’t see them because hormones keep us from realistically pinpointing our beloved partner. You’re just waiting for one thing: to find the other person, overwhelm them with attention, and let the excitement build as soon as you are with the other person.
This first phase, the one where you fall in love, lasts between 3 to 18 months (for those who are most fortunate). But we must be aware of this: this phase will inevitably pass at one time or another. It’s normal. Yet what comes next is equally good and just as important, as being madly in love gives way to a deeper feeling.
Obviously, this requires that we pass without too much trouble this first perfect phase and that we accept to switch to another feeling. Unfortunately, many people are addicted to the sensation of butterflies in their stomachs and go their separate ways as soon as everyday life takes over. They refuse the routine and opt for a break. However, this is part of the phases of the relationship.
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Phase 2: farewell to the enchanted period!
This phase is important and it happens sooner or later in every relationship. This is the moment when mad love slowly crumbles and you can finally perceive the other more clearly – with their weaknesses, fears, idiosyncrasies. And yours too.
You know yourself better now and often wonder why you never noticed either of his quirks earlier. At this stage, you take stock of your relationship and your relationship. If each other’s expectations can be met, if the goals in life are similar, and if the habits are consistent with each other, then there is a good chance that this will be a relationship. to last.
This is the time when you decide if you are going well together. Unfortunately, at this point in the relationship, many separate because one or the other – or both – realizes that the relationship is not on a solid enough foundation, that the discussions you have together are dwindling. . Yet this is where the “couple” really begins. Because it is only from this phase that being in love can transform into a deep feeling of love. For some, it will be a dead end, for others, it is the beginning of a beautiful and solid love story.
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Phase 3: opposition and attempts at education
Phase three is characterized by small struggles between the couple over who will have dominance and power. Because the other has their own mind, their own peculiarities and they can be annoying in everyday life. Maybe you got it wrong after all and just don’t really get along?
Sometimes it’s just the tube of toothpaste left open that makes us roll our eyes in annoyance, sometimes more than just a detail. Yet anyone who now thinks that he can still educate and reshape his partner according to his will is wrong and will learn it in pain. The good side of this rather difficult phase: those who cross it together this stage will end up in calmer waters. To do this, however, both partners must learn to compromise and accept their partner for who he or she is.
Phase 4: it’s time to take stock
Water has flowed under the bridges and here is the famous “seventh year” tip of her nose. Already, know that the timing is not always the same for everyone. Sometimes it’s a little earlier, sometimes later, but that’s when a couple decides whether to stay together for the long haul. The little power struggles are over and you are looking at yourself more again. The time has come to take stock. Do I have enough space for myself? Is there also an “I” next to “we”? Am I still independent? Is the common path the one that is also the right one for me?
If you can answer these questions in the affirmative, you will see: living as a couple gives both security and can also prove to be a good basis for developing as an individual. And try things that you might not have dared to be celibate.
Phase 5: trust and security in the other
Of all the stages in a relationship, this is the best. We have taken stock and one thing is clear: the other is important to me, he / she enriches me and vice versa. The couple went through many phases, endured many storms together, mastered small and large crises together, and it resulted in a close-knit romantic relationship. After phase 4, during which you took more care of yourself, you come closer to each other again.
In this new stage, confidence is well established. Everyone can therefore give themselves freedom without fear. After all, you’ve both worked hard for this over the past few years, between struggles, heated arguments, fights and misunderstandings. Living together and living independently can now be combined harmoniously without one partner feeling neglected. There are no more unrealistic expectations, no more masquerade and you are not projecting anything in your partner that he cannot satisfy at all.
You have come to know yourself and you love yourself as you are. This is love. Without frills or fireworks but with healthy bases, common but also independent desires. Anyone who has been through all phases of a relationship and arrived here can count themselves very lucky. It is love with a capital A, the real one, the only one. And no one is safe from knowing it!
Fiona ist die Ressortleitung der Rubriken Liebe & Psychologie und Astrologie und CvD Schlussredaktion. Ihr liegen besonders Themen am Herzen, die sich um das alltägliche, zwischenmenschliche Chaos drehen und das Chaos…