Having to deal with a friend’s bad influence on our child can be complicated. Here is advice from a psychologist to get out of this bad situation smoothly.
Despite the excellent education we can give our children, they can sometimes be influenced by people outside our home, especially as they grow up. What should we do if a particular peer appears to be a negative influence? How should we approach this topic with our children, while respecting their independence and encouraging them to solve their problems on their own?
Two expert psychologists have given their advice for dealing with this situation, more specifically when it involves a friend. First, you should pay attention to any changes in your child. Even if they don’t tell you everything that happens during their day, you know your child. If you feel like something isn’t right, it’s worth paying attention.
Stay tuned
“You can see changes in the way they approach school, grades, studying and their future goals” says pediatric psychologist Ann-Louise Lockhart. Their appearance, interests or hobbies could also be affected. They might also be less interested in their past friendships and act negatively toward their friends and family.” If you notice your child’s mood changing or behaving differently around a particular friend, it warrants further investigation.
To better understand the situation, it is important that you can listen, without judgment, to what your child tells you about their friendship. They may need you to simply act as a sounding board rather than giving them advice. “Most of the time, children especially those who are still in elementary school or middle school, do not need our intervention, unless they are being bullied or are bullying someone “ says psychologist Aliza Pressman.
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Make sighting reports
You probably have a few words in mind to describe your child’s friend, but keep anything judgmental out of your conversation with your child. Instead, stick to the facts. What did you notice? How is your child different? Dr. Lockart first suggests the situation by saying instead: “I notice you’re spending a lot of time with…I’m worried about how you seem to have changed since you’ve been spending more time together. I notice you’re spending more time in your room, excluding your sister/ your brother about the things you loved doing together and your grades dropped”.
Ask specific questions
Again, it’s important to put your own opinions aside. “Try to ask with curiosity and make neutral observations, rather than lecturing and passing judgment.”advised Dr. Pressman. Basic questions about your child’s relationship with the friend in question can help you understand their dynamic. “What do you like about your friend? What do you have in common? What do you like to do together?”
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Do not hesitate to act when justified
If you suspect your child is being bullied or is bullying others, you should definitely intervene. This may involve contacting another child’s parents or contacting a teacher, school counselor, or coach for help in handling the situation. In the same way that you know when something is wrong with your child, you will also know when things have become dire.”when you feel like you are losing your child”explained Dr. Lockhart.