psychology
How the arrival error prevents you from being happy
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Are you relatively successful? Do you usually achieve what you set out to do? And are you still somehow never completely satisfied? Sounds suspiciously like the arrival error.
Many paths lead to happiness – probably at least as many as there are people on this planet. Too bad that’s why there are so many stones lying around that keep us from our respective happiness … or at least make us stumble a few times before we reach it. One of those stones is called the arrival error, and pretty much everyone stumbles upon it at some point. Problem: Many get stuck on it. In doing so, we primarily put this stone in our own way.
The arrival error – a fatal error
The arrival error stems from a veeery common misconception: that reaching a destination makes us happy!
- When I finally find a partner that suits me…!
- A gross salary of 50,000 euros and then …!
- Just 10 pounds down until…!
All interesting goals that we can set ourselves – but better not with the expectation that achieving them will make us (more) satisfied. Because the moment of happiness that we experience is short-lived. And then we need a new target.
The US-Israeli happiness researcher Tal Ben-Shahar is the discoverer of the “Arrival Fallacy”. He defined the error of arrival in his book “Happy” as follows:
The mistaken belief that achieving a goal will make us lastingly happy
So what? Goals are still a good thing! Then what’s so bad about the arrival error? Very easy: Those who seek satisfaction with all their strength and energy in striving for goals will never find it – and will purposefully miss true happiness!
As old-fashioned and esoteric as it may sound, what matters is that we not make our inner happiness dependent on external circumstances. Of course it’s good and important that we look for goals, after all we need to do something. But both while we are pursuing our goals, we should be able to be happy and rest in ourselves, as well as when we just don’t achieve them. After all, all our small goals only serve to move us forward on our path, on which we have as many experiences as possible – beautiful and also painful –, grow and maybe leave a few traces. And be it just that we clear one or the other stone out of the way …
Video tip: 7 signs you don’t love yourself enough 