How to explain diversity to children?

“Mom, why is the gentleman in a wheelchair? Why don’t I have the same skin color as my boyfriend Arthur? ” As a real little observer of his environment, your child often asks you questions, and for some, you have some difficulty in answering them. For fear of not finding the right words or for fear of doing wrong, as often in our life as a parent! Rest assured, it is already through your daily behavior that you will instill values ​​of tolerance in your child. “The first thing to do, before having big talks with your child, is to be open to these tolerances in the family, to value these differences that you can encounter on a daily basis”, explains the psychologist and psycho-educator Florence millot, author of the book How to talk to your children. “It can be talking about gay people, people with disabilities, different religions, etc., valuing them in the speech in a sincere way, and trying to understand the other’s point of view.”

An example to put into practice? “You can watch some news together”, offers the psychologist, like the Arte Journal Junior intended for children for example. “Try to understand what people are feeling, how each is positioned on a certain issue. Try to understand why some are for and others against, so that the child is lulled by a discourse where everything is nuanced. ”

You can also regularly show him examples of people who have been successful in their field, despite a disability or a difference that might have discouraged them. We think for example of the small actor Peter Dinklage, who became famous with Game of Thrones, who gave many interviews explaining how he managed to overcome many obstacles, or the classical dancer Misty Copeland, first Afro -American to become principal dancer of the American Ballet Theater in New York, who wrote a book about her life. “It is important to show your child concrete examples, people who embody a difference in a positive way, and that he can have access to their inner discourse”, specifies Florence Millot. “But we can also draw from books, from children’s literature where there are a lot of books that talk about the difference.”

It is also at home that this open-mindedness will take place: “Be sure to value the difference of each within the siblings, if you have a more gifted child at school for example, and another more comfortable in sport”, indicates the psychologist. “Explain how important it is to be unique, despite the difficulties at the beginning because you want to be like your brother or sister, or like all the friends, but in the end, it’s a huge wealth . ”

Concrete answers to his questions

Now that you are sure that you have created a climate of tolerance and benevolence in your home, it is time to know how to answer these questions that can sometimes throw you off. It will be a question of not going through four paths and of responding in a way that is both simple and concrete to your child so that no subject becomes taboo and that he understands scientifically where these bodily differences can come from. origin. “For the different skin colors, for example, explain to the child that the body is modeled according to the temperature and the environment”, advises Florence Millot. “Why is the skin black? Because there is a lot of sun in Africa, and the skin has developed more and more melatonin and has become darker to protect itself from the sun. Conversely, in northern countries where there is relatively little sun, the skin is very white, because there is little melatonin in the skin. But point out that when you hurt yourself, for example, the skin underneath is pink, because it is the same for everyone. To give the child an image, we can explain that if everyone had the same eyes, the same hair, the same skin color, it would mean that everyone would be the same and everyone would have the same head. Would it be interesting then? Or would he want to differentiate himself and be recognized as an only child? ”

On the same subject

How to react to an intolerant behavior of your child?

We may think that we show our children a good example every day in terms of tolerance and openness, it can obviously happen, and on several occasions, that they nevertheless show intolerance. It might be awkward at the time, but rest assured, there is no need to worry: “It’s quite normal to be afraid of the foreigner, of what you don’t know”, explains Florence Milot. “Everyone has this fear, because since the dawn of time, the“ foreigner ”, the one who is not part of the tribe, who does not have the same codes, can be a potential danger for the clan. It really is something that is ingrained in us. On the other hand, today, we are able to go towards the other and we are also in a phenomenon of globalization where the child who has become an adult will have to work with people from all over the world, or to travel. So there is an evolution that takes place because we realize that we all have the same heart. ”

And it is precisely necessary to encourage your child to go towards the other, towards this “different” person: “It is important to go and question her, to start a dialogue to get to know her, to tame this person who can scare her. With a person in a wheelchair, for example, your child can ask them if it is difficult, if they are receiving a lot of help, etc. Questions that may seem annoying to ask, especially with children who are often direct, but which ultimately allow the meeting. ”
Also take an interest in the origin of an intolerant statement: “Ask your child”, advises the psychologist. “Where did you hear that: at school? To the information? Someone who told you? How can you be sure it’s true? For example, for generalities about a people, ask them if it is possible that all the people of the same country react in the same way? ”

Then try to find with your child some similarities between this person and himself: “Ask him questions to find out how this ‘different’ person looks like him, especially when the child has stereotypes about the other. You both love your parents, you both need friends etc. ”

Do not hesitate to put your children in contact with different environments of your daily life, with different cultures. It can be summed up quite simply to make him taste dishes from all over the world or to have him participate in parties with specific themes. “If he feels uncomfortable with people with disabilities, for example”, advises Florence Millot, “You can take him for an afternoon in an association to learn to tame and meet this difference in a very concrete way. Because no matter how much we talk to children or read books to them, it is when they have the experience in their body, that they have seen the “different” person eye to eye, that they have touched him, that they spoke to him, that they are then able to open up to the world, and much faster than adults. ”

And this open-mindedness will also serve him well: “Explain to your child that the more he is able to accept the difference of the other, the more he will be able to accept himself and to experience many things in his life just to be happy. Tell him that whenever he accepts someone who acts and thinks differently, he proves to himself that he is able to be different from others and do what he loves most in life without having fear of the eyes of others. ”

3 books really well done and validated by parents

Our favorite : The essential “The book of our physical differences” by Cévany published by Ailes et Seeds which should be distributed to all children when they enter kindergarten
A book to communicate on physical differences. This book invites children to observe each illustration at their own pace. As it evolves and ages, the discovery of new small details gives the opportunity to communicate together about all the physical differences.
This book is a fabulous tool for all children, even older ones!
To read together from 2 years old

The excellent “7 billion faces“by Peter Spier at The Leisure School.
On earth, there are more than seven billion people … and no two who are exactly alike! “Racism, where does it come from first? Ignorance? From the fear of those who are not the same? Let’s go! Let’s watch, learn, understand and fight, says Peter Spier, the author of this album. During pages and pages crammed with details, it introduces children to all kinds of people of all sizes, all colors, with very different clothes, tropical, Western, Asian lifestyles, etc. pages that you look at for hours … A healthy approach to getting to know others. “
From 6 years old

“All different“by Todd Parr at Bayard Jeunesse.
A cheerful and colorful album that celebrates the differences.
From 3 years old