How to react when you discover your teenager’s nudes?

Like many parents, you certainly haven’t seen your child grow up. You still fondly imagine him in diapers when in reality he is now a teenager. Like all young people these days, this period involves mobile phones, social networks and screens of all kinds… In short, when it comes to technology and trends, your child now knows more than you.

You accepted him, until the day you accidentally came across naked photos of him on his smartphone (if this is not your case, tell yourself that he certainly already did it). “What, my teenager is sending nudes?”. Yes…and it’s completely common. According to one study dating from 2022, 74.5% of 13-25 year olds have already sent naked photos of themselves.

On the occasion of the release of the series Nudeco-directed by Andréa Bescond, Sylvie Verheyde and Lucie Borleteau and released on Prime Video Thursday February 1, 2024, which follows several adolescents plunged into the hell of cyberbullying, Mathieu Auriol, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, deciphers for us this phenomenon which affects young people current (and how to protect it).

Promote an educational approach and be part of the exchange

According to him, the trend (or even the norm) of nudes among adolescents is first and foremost a story of fashion and evolution. “Technology and social networks have brought a new way of understanding the opposite sex and its relationship to the body”he assures. “With these new tools, the border between the intimate sphere and the public sphere is much more porous than before”. Besides this, adolescence is a period naturally conducive to discovering one’s body and exploring sexuality. “It’s normal for them to want to communicate with each other about this”specifies the specialist.

How to react when your child sends or receives nudes? As a parent, it is not always easy to address this issue, some may be shocked or frightened. However, it is very important to talk about it. “We must be in communication, remaining as calm as possible, and not being judgmental, nor punishing, nor dramatizing, nor taboo”explains Mathieu Auriol.

The approach must above all be educational and pedagogical. According to the psychologist, the best thing is to support your teenager by asking questions (without being accusatory or making you feel guilty, but simply to show them that you are worried about them) and by listening attentively to their answers. “Without this, the child will not feel well and will not want to confide in you”he warns.

Raise awareness and responsibility in the face of dangers

Now comes the most difficult phase: addressing the physical and psychological dangers of this practice. Because although sending nudes has become widely popular among young people, it is not without risk. It is therefore important to protect your child from phenomena such as cyberbullying and “revenge porn”, which can unfortunately occur following the sending of nude photos. “Adolescence is a phase of constriction of one’s identity”, analyzes the psychotherapist. Being the victim of gazes, judgment and intimate, non-consensual exposure to others can have dramatic effects on young people.

To do this, remind your children that consent, caution, respect for oneself and others, confidentiality and private life are essential concepts, online as in life. Talk with her and help her integrate these concepts.

Once again, for your teenager to really understand, there is no point in being injunctive, infantilizing, punishing and judging. According to Mathieu Auriol, it is better to raise awareness among young people by making them responsible. “You must help them develop their conscience, their reasoning, their responsibility, their critical thinking and their freedom”he recommends.

The role of the parent, he recalls, “it’s about getting the child to be autonomous and independent”. How ? By letting him test his own limits, so that he internalizes them on his own. “The adolescent must understand for himself, without feeling bullied or lectured”, continues the expert. Please note, this does not mean a total absence of parental control, but simply the establishment of rules based on your age, maturity and profile. The idea is to sow a little seed in your mind and let it grow…

Make him distance himself and preserve his self-confidence

Too small, not muscular enough, too flat, not beautiful enough… Who says nudes, generally says comparison and the need for validation, but also criticism and complexes. However, it is during adolescence that self-image and self-esteem are most fragile. As a parent, you must therefore ensure that your child understands that “the opinions and judgment of others are none of his business” and that he should not define himself by that. “He must build himself according to himself, not others”warns Mathieu Auriol. “He is the one who must set the cursor”.

Once your teen has internalized this, they are able to accept themselves and deal with this type of situation. If the judgment of others will never be easy, it will not destroy him or affect him directly.

Finally, having a healthy relationship with yourself is essential to having healthy relationships with others. “Invite your child to be in control of himself and to keep his thoughts towards himself, not towards others who could judge him, influence him and push him to do things he does not want”, recommends the specialist. This will make him stronger and more confident, preventing him from falling into fads and toxic relationships.

Section head Society / Psychology / Couple /

Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, sexuality…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world today. She you …