To be a parent is to master the art of compromise. And DIY. Take the most explosive file of the relationship with a preteen: the first smartphone. Rather than choosing between capitulation (acceding to the irritating and repeated request of their offspring) and dictatorship (banning everything altogether), some have found a third way: they have installed their child’s WhatsApp groups on their own phone.
When they open the instant messaging application, they therefore access both their own exchanges, personal or professional, and those of their descendants. Which, let’s say right away, involves a high risk of misunderstandings and referral errors. ” One day, says Sylvain, 42 years old and father of an 11-year-old girl, I see hearts and kisses appear on my phone, signed Jean-Paul. Jean-Paul is the father of a friend of my daughter. It took me a moment to realize that it was our daughters who were writing to each other. » Like many others, Sylvain and his wife (respondents wish to remain anonymous) lifted digital barriers during the March 2020 lockdown. “At the time, she was in CE2. We were delighted that she kept interacting with her friends. Then there was life: moves, summer camps… which spawned new WhatsApp groups. Last year, in CM2, there was a whole group of classmates who wrote to each other daily. »
And that’s how the high-level exchanges of elementary students have gradually colonized Sylvain’s smartphone. “For my survival, I turned off notifications, says the director of a training center in Paris. There are days at 160 messages. If there are six or seven in the group, we already go up to 40 “Hello, how are you? – Yes and you ?” every day. The rest of the time, they send each other emoticons, gifs… rarely written messages. »
“A kind of apprenticeship”
After two years on this diet, Sylvain and his wife have chosen to buy a smartphone for their daughter in CM2 class. They are satisfied to have resorted to this transition: “It’s still a tool that it is difficult to deprive our children. Their sociability goes through it. With this method, our daughter was able to benefit from a kind of learning, before the “open bar” of the smartphone. »
A trial period under supervision: this is also what Amélie, a 40-year-old nurse in Lyon, describes. She and her husband started hosting their daughter Margot’s WhatsApp chats in 2020, when she was 8 years old. “One day, there was a confusion between girlfriends in the messages. Clumsy words were written. We talked about it together. Our gaze allows us to regulate these conflicts, to make them understand that we must pay attention to what is written and shown. » This year, the girl passed in 6e and had his own phone. Her parents were able to ascertain that she was “capable of handling” and trust him.
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