Well on the move in your job, in life – and still panic at being exposed as a total loss? The feeling has a name: impostor syndrome. And it likes to spread undetected, says executive coach and podcaster Vera Strauch.
BARBARA: Ms. Strauch, as a journalist, I am constantly sitting across from people who understand more about the subject than I do myself – and should then also ask the most intelligent questions possible. Having less of a clue, but taking on heavy trousers – you can doubt yourself.
So, do you?
At least not excessively.
Then you probably don't suffer from impostor syndrome.
Let's throw the smart questions overboard: Impostor-how-please?
Impostor syndrome. Especially in performance-oriented areas you will find people who wake up drenched in sweat at night and wonder when they will be exposed – although they are completely right in their place and shine with success.
Are you talking about those with turbo careers?
This does not always apply to the job, but also to other areas that are important to us, through which we define ourselves. That can also be the exterior, the body or the question of who organizes the best children's birthday party.
Set the bar so high that you don't meet your own standards – is that a women's issue?
In fact, that was what people used to think, in the seventies and eighties, and talked about the "Female Impostor Syndrome". But recent social research has refuted that. Men are also affected, especially managers. Mostly in environments that are very competitive. The phenomenon is not new, but it is boiling up again.
How does it make itself noticeable?
Time and again, people from my professional environment asked me about it and asked me to publish something about it in my podcast. That surprised me because I don't know it from myself, but it really affects a lot of people. Especially those that you don't think so.
Do you really not notice their insecurity?
No, it is. They may even seem a bit arrogant, precisely because they have so little self-confidence at heart and therefore spend a lot of energy to maintain the supposed facade. The area does not matter. I can be an internationally recognized brain surgeon and still believe: The others just haven't noticed that I'm actually a failure because they understand less about it – how good that the head is sewn up again and nobody sees that I might screw up have! Impostor syndrome is basically a symptom of social imbalance.
What do you mean?
Our society just looks one-sidedly at performance and output.
This is also noticeable in our culture of self-expression, which rewards shiny facades. People who show success on their social media channels, half marathons or beneficial selfies.
It may well be that the syndrome is hidden behind some of these facades, even if remote diagnosis is of course difficult. But I think we are also very challenged in the offline world and should constantly meet the most diverse demands. Learning for a lifetime, getting involved in our relationship, developing our own nutritional philosophy … The feeling can creep in: No matter how hard I try, I am simply never good enough.
Why do some people allow themselves to be put under more pressure than others?
Basically, it's a matter of basic self-worth. Research shows: Impostor syndrome occurs, for example, when I learned as a child that I had to perform in order to get love and attention. Or on the contrary: Because my parents kept telling me how perfect and unique I am. No matter what I do. As a result, I lack the experience: It's okay not to know something, to fail, to be less good at something than others.
But there are situations where the saying goes: rattling is part of the craft. One hears from coaches, for example: Buy a blouse for your interview that you actually can't afford. Stack up flawlessly!
I would always ask about my own motivation. A pair of shoes and a blouse can be a great investment, in the sense of: I am worth something – and I show that too. At least more than in worn-out sneakers and sweatpants. But if I force myself into an expensive costume in which I feel disguised, I should consider: Do I really want a job in which I have to pretend?
When you were not even 30 you managed a construction company with 100 employees, almost all of them men, almost all of them older. Don't you have to do a bit of work to be taken seriously?
There are two ways to get respect. One status: I tell people what kind of great degrees I have and how many languages I speak, and they have to listen to me. The catch: If someone enters the room above me in the hierarchy, I am logged out. To the other connection. When I, as a young woman, stand between professionally experienced men between 40 and 50, I tell them: You know a lot more about how to make concrete walls or how to calculate building objects, I can learn from you. But what I can tell you is maybe how to change processes, how to make structures flexible … I am already creating honesty that has a disarming effect.
So don't pretend you know everything better?
Just don't! It is a characteristic of well-running systems that not everyone has to be able to do everything. When I bake great cakes and open a café, I don't have to claim to do my own tax return – there are others who do it well and happily! Accepting help is not a weakness, on the contrary.
Sounds great in theory, but can it really be implemented? If I have a job in the shark tank, then I only have two options: Either I get out and prefer to look for a job in the petting zoo, or I bite myself out to survive.
Wait a minute, when I talk about honesty, vulnerability and weaknesses, it doesn't mean that I should spread my private problems in the meeting. But I do believe that everyone can change a culture from within, including a tough work environment. There is not only black or white, so only total adaptation to a system in which I have to bend, or total refusal.
And how does that work, change from within?
Sometimes it's the little things that help us and others to be more authentic and less wrong. For example, when I don't participate in the shark tank, when people who are absent are badly talked about, or when I look for other contacts in the work environment who are more supportive.
Now everyone doubts their own abilities and realizes that a task is too big. That is far from pathological ?!
Sure, not every uncertainty is a sign of impostor syndrome, especially not when I recognize myself that a task or an environment is simply not my thing. Then it can be right and honest to say: I can't do it alone. Or: I feel wrong here. But even in this case there may be a third way.
Fake it till you make it?
I once came across a TED talk that was called "Fake it till you become it" – so do it until you become one. Everything is in constant motion, from our cells, which are constantly dividing, to the world of work, which is completely in flux. It is important to be clear again and again: Who am I today and who do I want to be? A manager, a woman who has a house with a garden and two children? Something completely different? If I dare to have dreams, then I neither have to pretend what I am not yet nor be ashamed of it if I do not achieve everything immediately.
VERA SHRUB, 34, entrepreneur and founder of the Female Leadership Academy. Her economic podcast of the same name appears weekly on all major portals.