Finding friends is impossible as an adult? Absolutely not! We have a few tips that will make it easier for you to make new friends.
Somehow it used to be easier to find friends, right? At least that is the general opinion. And of course: as children we were put in a school class with many other people of the same age – at some point friendships developed quite naturally. Even and especially during our studies, we have at least one common interest in common with our fellow students, so it is still relatively easy to find new friends.
And for many, the acquaintances that were built up and maintained during this time are enough. But there can always be circumstances in life where we (felt) are alone and have to rebuild our social environment, for example after moving to a new city. And you’re already asking yourself: How did I actually make friends back then? And can I still do that at “my age”? The short answer is: definitely yes. We have some tips that will make it easier for you to make new friends.
First of all, assume that people like you
If you approach people warmly and positively, you will also be welcomed warmly and positively – it sounds like a logical consequence at first, but in fact this knowledge is an important key. Because if we expect not to be accepted by other people, we tend to behave in a distant and cold way – and this in turn leads to our fellow human beings treating us in exactly the same way a study stated.
The more you believe that people will like you, the friendlier you are to yourself and the more likely they are to do the same.
But when people expect to be accepted, “they also behave more pleasantly, which leads to other people accepting them. On the other hand, when they expect rejection, they behave coldly, which then leads to less acceptance,” Danu Anthony puts it Stinson and other researchers in a separate study together.
What do we learn from this? The more you believe that people will like you, the friendlier you are to yourself and the more likely they are to do the same. People tend to underestimate how sympathetic they are to others – especially self-critical people, like a study stated. So don’t listen to your inner voice when it tries to convince you that the other person doesn’t like you. Most likely (and rightly so) she’s not right about it.
Find a group hobby
What makes most friendships? Through shared experiences. In childhood it was the time together at school, in a sports club or in a camp. When I was a student, it was the time at the university (and for some in the bars around).
what do you like to do Reading, hiking, running, meditating, learning languages or playing tennis? These are all wonderful hobbies that lend themselves to group activity. Pretty much every hobby can be shared with other people and that’s exactly what friendships can grow from.
Now all you have to do is pursue this hobby regularly and show yourself, because loud a study has a positive effect on our popularity. There, the researchers had women attend a different number of events in a psychology course, namely none, five, ten and 15. In the end, the other students did not recognize any of the women, but liked the woman who attended all courses 20 percent more as the woman who didn’t show up for any of the classes.
Sure, at first it might seem strange or even scary to show up at events of any kind. We may long more for our couch, our pet, and our favorite series. But over time it will get easier, we will get to know the people in the new group better and in case of doubt – as described in the first tip – they can already like you more than you think.
Show people around you how much you love them
Now it gets very complicated, because many people are unsure at this point: How do I show a person that I like them without appearing too clingy or even desperate? The good news is: You really can’t do much wrong on this point, because if you want to have a new friend in your life, you can and should show how important this person is. Of course, you shouldn’t necessarily shower compliments and gifts on someone you’ve only known for a short time – but a nice word or a nice gesture never hurt anyone.
What people look for in other people is someone they like and appreciate.
On the contrary, like a study stated: What people look for in other people is someone who likes and appreciates them. Researchers followed developing friendships between different people and found that friendships where both expressed affection for each other lasted.
Friendships are made at any age
Maybe it really used to be easier to make friends. But the friends who met in the sandbox and who still have an intimate relationship to this day are rare. Anyone can make new friends, no matter what age the person may be. But for this you usually have to show initiative.
You are a wonderful person and every person you meet is lucky to have met you. You may have lost sight of that a bit. So all the more time to pull yourself together, go out into the world and make friends out of strangers.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, researchgate.net, journals.sagepub.com, sciencedirect.com, semanticscholar.org, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov