keep warm
This is how you realize that you are only an option
© Drobot Dean / Adobe Stock
First off, you always deserve to be a priority. But if someone doesn’t acknowledge this, you will probably notice it by these signs.
There is hardly a more emotionally unbearable feeling when you notice that your feelings are not reciprocated, worse: you make someone your priority for whom you are apparently only an option, or not obvious, because the other person leaves everything open and nothing at the same time. Feeling this way and not knowing where you stand can be painful and makes you question everything. An interplay of emotional insecurity and mental ballast, which can endanger your self-esteem enormously.
1. Keep on a long leash
Of course, not all situations can be generalized, but there are certain patterns that indicate that someone likes to keep things as open as possible. The first indication of this is the general non-binding nature, i.e. last-minute plans in which your counterpart leaves it open whether he:she would like to spend time with you.
Anyone who keeps making vague statements like: “I can’t tell you yet if I can at the weekend”, but then regularly gets in touch after 9 p.m. to spontaneously ask about plans for the night, knows why. As soon as you have the feeling over a longer period of time that you don’t know where you stand and you don’t know how to correctly classify the feelings – especially those of your counterpart – you should pay special attention to your gut feeling. Someone who is sure of their feelings and knows what they want will inevitably let you know and not stall you.
2. Everything hangs by a thread
If you have the feeling that it could all be over at any moment as soon as a disagreement seems to be brewing, then think carefully about what your bond is based on. Anyone who keeps making you feel insecure to such an extent, who blames you alone, or who threatens the end of every argument with a final end, is aware of this. Someone who wants to give you a high level of consistency will find compromises.
3. Empty words, no actions
Lots of words, nothing behind them. He:she talks big, but if you really need support and backing – no matter what level – either nothing happens or excuses are made. Words show how someone would like to be, but actions show how someone is. So, in an emergency, it is better to rely on it.
4. Not healthy communication
It always sounds like a silly phrase, but there is a lot of truth behind it: communication is the key. Every human relationship stands or falls with it. Based on the way the other person enters into a dialogue with you, you can recognize their intentions.
Suppose something is burning on your soul, you want to tell your counterpart, but just the thought of how, where and when causes you regular emotional pain? You shouldn’t have to worry about sharing your feelings with anyone, much less questioning how solid your status is.
Someone who cares about your feelings will take the time to listen and respond. Someone who seems absent in conversations or pulls a rope on you about everything doesn’t want to understand you at all.
5. Wait, wait, wait
If you’re already wasting your time waiting for the day when the person will finally choose you over other things, don’t. Repeatedly waiting forever for a text message or some form of commitment is nerve-wracking in the long run. It is very unlikely that you will wake up in the morning and suddenly your entire dynamic will change fundamentally.