For free, when things don't go as you imagined in a one night stand in bed. But what if the sex in the steady relationship is bad and the topic is not simply "Next, please!" can tick off?
First of all: It is a very bad idea to start a fundamental discussion between the sheets while you are still in action. With a "Uh, what's that supposed to be?" you put your partner in an extremely uncomfortable situation where they can quickly feel attacked.
The American sex therapist Tiffanie L. Davis Henry has presented a few helpful tips on how to do it better via Shape:
1. Choose the right environment!
It is best to tackle the sensitive issue when you both relax and NOT lying in bed – at dinner, for example, or when you are resting comfortably on the couch.
2. Starts with a positive statement!
A criticism, framed in praise, is much better received than a critical statement alone. For example: "I think it's really nice when you kiss my neck. You can do that a lot more often," instead of "It sucks me that you always get down to business so quickly."
3. Don't expect miracles!
You should exclude from the sex talk things that your partner cannot change, even if he wanted to. This includes the way he is equipped around the bottom as well as the natural scent of his body. It's about changing certain behaviors, but not the whole person!
4. Ask him what he wants!
Part of an open conversation about sex is that you don't just talk about your own desires. Your partner has exactly the same right to a fulfilled sexuality, so ask him what he particularly likes and what he could do without.
5. Make a list!
Therapist Henry recommends this trick to couples with sex problems: Make a list with three categories: 1.] Things I always like. 2] things that I usually find ok and 3.] things that I don't like at all. Exchange your lists and find out more about each other's likes and dislikes in a playful way.
6. Get support from the experts!
Sometimes sex doesn't improve even after many conversations. If you feel you are stuck in a dead end, trust a sex therapist or psychologist – the view from the outside can often be very helpful.