Mandy Capristo: She started therapy for panic attacks

“Sometimes you have to strip yourself to help others,” Mandy Capristo, 31, said at the end of the Mental Health Matters talk. For years, she couldn’t speak well about her mental health issues, putting up a facade and pretending that everything was fine. “I had to process that and learn to understand myself,” says Mandy.

The former “Monrose” member has been struggling with panic attacks since 2018 and began therapy in 2021. The corona pandemic and the lockdown made the symptoms worse. In autumn 2021 she was “at the limit”. But now the singer has gotten to know herself so well that she knows what helps her in moments like this. She has not only been sharing her experiences on the mental health platform FELICE since March 2021. At the beginning of April, Mandy will also start courses for mental health at the Mannheim evening academy – starting with a kick-off event on March 31st.

With the “Mental Health Matters” interview series, GALA wants to focus on the topic of mental health, educate and destigmatize mental illness.

Mandy Capristo: Her ‘panic attacks got louder’ during the pandemic

GALA: You already had the idea for FELICE in 2016, but the mental health platform only started in mid-March 2021, almost at the end of an exhausting lockdown. Was that the reason?
Mandy Capristo: Actually not at all. If it had been up to me, I would have gladly waited another year or two. But I used the moment to throw my own perfectionism overboard.

What does it mean exactly?
In my life I always wanted to do everything right, but since 2016 I have hardly had time to live up to the idea of ​​FELICE. The pandemic suddenly gave me a lot of rest, which was irritating for me. My panic attacks got louder. An enormous loneliness has developed in me. I have a great environment that gives me a lot of love and yet I felt like an alien.

But your panic attacks didn’t just come about during the pandemic.
No, it was a gradual process. I led a very public life and everything was always fine. A few days ago I dropped a sentence to a friend and she said I should say it out loud. So now I do this:

‘I’ve made my struggle look pretty glamorous a lot.’ I wanted to convey the feeling to the outside world that everything is fine.

“My body rebelled at some point”

But what it wasn’t…
Exactly! While I’ve always researched mental health, when the going gets really tough, a survival instinct kicks in and I don’t want to admit a weakness. At some point, my body rebelled.

When did you have your first panic attack?
That was in 2018. I was looking for excuses for the triggers of my panic attacks.

In 2019 I signed contracts that I actually didn’t want to sign.

It got worse and I realized that the older I get, the more my body takes revenge if I don’t live up to my values. Panic attacks have been exacerbated by the pandemic. It was very scary and overwhelmed me. Then I started therapy. My therapist changed my life in that moment.

Mandy seeks help from a therapist

In which moments did your panic become noticeable?
There was a situation where my therapist said I needed rest because the feeling of tension wouldn’t go away. I’m someone who puts a lot of pressure on myself. It started when I had a job that required me to perform – not only through singing but also through presence.

I’ve always told myself I’m not good enough, not beautiful enough, and that I always make mistakes.

At that time I didn’t have these problems. I’ve lost my lightness.

Were there any other triggers for your panic attacks?
I’ve always been very protective of my private life, so I built a wall around myself. There were then two versions of me: the private and the public Mandy. At certain professional moments things that I did at work collided with my own attitude. The two no longer fit together. That stressed me out more and more.

Also the constant pressure that I feel as a woman in our society: I not only have to be a successful business woman, but also to run a company, ideally have four children by the age of 25, look perfect, be funny and always be in a good mood. I didn’t sleep well, worked all the time, and yet it was never enough.

After the success of “Monrose” and before the release of your album “Grace” in April 2012, you hit a rock bottom. Have you struggled with depression?
Rather, my bigger problem was the panic attacks, which made me feel depressed and caused me an incredible sadness.

In autumn 2021, Mandy urgently needed a break: “I no longer had a choice”

You had another low just before the “hey FELICE!” podcast episode with Anna Wilken about depression and anxiety came out in October 2021. You felt burned out and had lost your inner voice.
The moment when I recorded the episode wasn’t easy for me because I was on the limit. That was actually the moment when I just started therapy. I was in robot mode, stopped listening to my intuition. But I needed rest, didn’t admit it to myself at first. Actually, I didn’t want to record the episode, but I did it anyway to use the whole thing as self-therapy for myself. I took some time off afterwards…

… and canceled appointments?
I honestly didn’t have a choice anymore. I had to because I wasn’t sleeping properly. I was constantly nervous.

If I had just carried on like this, it would have ended ugly.

Besides canceling appointments, what else has helped you deal with your panic better?
I had to be damn honest with myself and shift my focus – to myself. Who do I want to be as Mandy, who grew up in Bürstadt and has nothing to do with this industry?

Do I always want to lead this life in public or do I want to open a kindergarten at some point, do something that is far away from this constant pressure that I grew up with? I had to have a lot of conversations with my ego, among other things, which wasn’t always easy. Now I’m more at peace with myself again.

She learned that about herself in therapy

What did you learn about yourself in therapy and what changed as a result?
My own point of view. I’m not a judgmental person when it comes to others, but I’m incredibly strict with myself. I’ve had to learn not to be critical and mean to myself all the time, but to treat myself like my best friend. That helped enormously.

Suddenly I spoke to myself in a completely different way. The feeling of pressure lessened because I was no longer so strict with myself. I’ve also learned to accept things as they are, like having a panic attack, and endure them. I am loved by others just as much as before.

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma attached to going to therapy.
The topic must be further de-tabooed. The most important thing for those affected is to talk openly about it. That has absolutely nothing to do with weakness, I had to learn that too. I find that when people know how to take care of themselves, it not only makes you better, it makes the world a better place.

But I can also understand that it is not easy to talk about mental health problems. I was at that point too. I had to process that and learn to understand myself in order to be able to talk about it.

Mandy Capristo starts mental health courses at the Mannheim evening academy

You want to give something back, share your experiences and offer active help on the mental health platform FELICE. How did the project come about?
I wanted to do prevention work in kindergartens and schools and educate people about mental health in order to provide the children with basic tools at an early age. But that’s not so easy, since education is a matter for the federal states. Then a beautiful coincidence resulted in the collaboration with the Mannheim Evening Academy.

From the end of March 2022 you will be offering 1 ½ hour mental health courses there, which will be led by lecturers. What should the participants take away from it?
The courses aim to approach the topic of mental health as lightly as possible. Each course takes place under an overarching theme, each reflecting a value of FELICE, such as self-reflection, empathy or self-love. In addition, we want to help with issues such as sleep or overcoming excessive demands. With the help of exercises in positive psychology, everyday situations are created in order to be able to specifically address these topics and help.

Information about offers of help

Are you showing signs of an anxiety disorder or panic attack? At the free online consultation the Deutsche Angst-Hilfe eV will help you anonymously. Further information on the disease and self-help groups can be found on the foundation website.

Gala