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Separations can lead to tragic fates. A mother shares how she lost custody of her son.
“It was terrible not being able to pick Marius up from the crèche, have dinner with him and read him a bedtime story,” says Iulia Varga. Out of consideration for her son, she would like to remain anonymous; we have changed her name.
It was claimed that because of this I could not look after a four-year-old child in a child-friendly manner.
When she and her ex-partner separated, he asked the child protection authority Kesb to get custody. He justified his application by saying that she works 100 percent and he is the child’s main caregiver with 70 percent.
Legend:
Separations can lead to tragic fates. Politicians and lawyers are therefore calling for a more modern approach to separation disputes.
Keystone/AP/MARTIN MEISSNER
“I found it unbelievable that, as a gynecologist, I was accused of having to work nights and weekends,” says Varga. “It was claimed that because of this I couldn’t look after a four-year-old child in a child-friendly manner.”
“A mix of shame and pain”
The gynecologist fought the decision in court, but was unsuccessful. She processed her experiences in a book. “It was a strange mix of pain and shame,” she remembers. “Pain over losing custody of my son and shame to show myself in the world.”
We might have to write mandatory mediation into law.
She noticed that people didn’t believe her and suspected she was hiding something. “Otherwise you wouldn’t take custody away from a mother.”
Parliamentarian calls for “stricter sanctions”
Joint custody has been in effect in divorces since 2014. It becomes difficult when parents have strong disagreements or do not stick to agreements. Stefan Müller-Altermatt, National Councilor Center, wants to improve the situation for families.
“We might have to write mandatory mediation into law – or stricter sanctions if a parent doesn’t cooperate,” he explains. However, he criticizes a corresponding postulate that he submitted to the Federal Council in 2019, which has so far had no effect.
Aargau has had good experiences with family courts
But the Federal Office of Justice has now also recognized the need for action and organized a conference at the University of Freiburg where these ideas were discussed.
In family courts, various professional groups can decide on the regulation of the relationship between parents and children.
Law professor Alexandra Jungo would welcome compulsory mediation and would also find family courts a good solution. “In family courts, various professional groups, such as psychologists, psychiatrists and lawyers, can decide together on the regulation of the relationship between parents and children,” explains Jungo.
It’s not just legally trained people who have to make decisions about conflicts, relationships and emotions. There are already such family courts in the canton of Aargau and people have had good experiences there.
Mediation as a pilot project in Bern
Mandatory mediation also already exists as a pilot project, for example in the canton of Bern. The advantage: parents are less able to avoid the dialogue if mediation is mandatory.
There are various ideas as to how family conflicts in the event of a separation could be better regulated. However, Justice Minister Elisabeth Baume-Schneider reacts cautiously to the call to introduce such solutions throughout Switzerland. She wanted to wait for the experience first.