When you were little, were you the type to go running to school or rather backwards? School is an important part of a child’s life, associated with many memories, whether good or not so good (and time means that we remember the good ones more readily than the bad ones).
But Although we know that everything is not always rosy at school, seeing that our child does not want to go can be a source of concern: is it serious? Angéline Charmet, psychologist, explains to us the reasons that can explain school refusal and the good reflexes to adopt to help your child overcome his or her anxieties.
Child who no longer wants to go to school: is this worrying?
Above all, Angéline Charmet reminds us that “All children will probably say at least once in their life that they don’t want to go to school.“. For her, a one-off refusal to go to school is therefore not very worrying. On the other hand, the situation is more serious if the refusal is frequent and/or associated with somatic complaints such as stomach pain or vomiting: “This may be a reflection of difficulties that the child encounters at school, or even the expression or the first symptoms of a psychological disorder such as social anxiety, panic disorder or anxious school refusal..
The psychologist also indicates that refusal to go to school can happen at any age, but manifests itself more visibly when entering primary, middle and high school.
Why might a child no longer want to go to school?
There are many reasons why your child may occasionally not want to go to school. : an argument with a friend, a stressful test, fatigue, an annoyance… Generally, this is resolved quickly and the child returns to his usual behavior in relation to school.
When the refusal is repeated, Angéline Charmet believes that “objective cause can sometimes be identified, for example school harassment or difficulties in learning“This is, however, not always the case: “When refusal occurs without objective reason, we speak of anxious school refusal: the child may be anxious about his academic success, the fact of speaking or being questioned in class, his relationships with his peers or with the teacher, the fact of being separated from his parents… It will often be difficult for him to give a precise explanation and to say what is distressing him“.
How to react if the child refuses school?
First of all, it is essential to find the cause of the refusal, so as not to miss a situation of school bullying, by questioning the child gently. If an objective cause is discovered, providing a solution to this problem should allow the child to regain his desire to go to school. If you have physical symptoms, pay attention to when they appear : only on the evening before school or in the morning before going there? They are probably related to stress. In this case, “it is appropriate to express empathy to the child, but still bring him to school“. If the ailments are present at other times or the child seems particularly unwell, you can keep him/her with you to take him/her to the doctor, but if everything improves in the morning, take him/her / her to school in the afternoon.
If the child is not able to explain what is causing him a problem or in the event of school refusal, the parental approach should be to “recognize the child’s emotions and reassure him/her, while maintaining school attendance, so as not to fall into the vicious circle of anxious school refusal“, affirms Angéline Charmet. Indeed, accepting that the child does not go to school gives legitimacy to his anxiety: for his parents to agree to make him miss school, it is because there is a good reason to worry! And if the child misses classes, falls behind and moves away from his classmates, this will only increase his anxiety and make returning to school more difficult.
Helping my child want to go to school
As a parent, there are several options available to support a child who no longer wants to go to school. Firstly, it is absolutely necessary validate your emotions which are real, while remembering that school is compulsory and that it is important for its construction. “It can be difficult and guilt-inducing for the parent to bring their child to school if he or she is unwell, but the long-term benefits must be kept in mind: the child will face many obstacles in his or her life. , the parent must position himself at his side to teach him to cross them, and not remove them from his path or allow him to dodge them.“
If your child is not very talkative, speaking with teachers should allow you to determine if your child is having difficulties at school, but also to raise the topics of school bullying and school anxiety and ensure your child is supported throughout the day. In the event of proven difficulties in one or more subjects, you can see if the school offers academic support opportunities or find a private teacher to bring the child up to speed and enable them to follow lessons correctly. If you suspect that your child is the victim of bullying, it is imperative to react immediately, with the help of the school. What if the child has missed a lot of school? “Collaboration with the school is essential to allow gradual re-schooling. A return to school plan and an action plan in the event of child anxiety during the day can be developed“, explains Angéline Charmet.
Finally, in the event of anxious school refusal, psychological or even psychiatric follow-up is recommended to help the child better regulate their anxiety and work on their motivations for returning to school. “This will also make it possible to support parents with their child’s difficulties and to coordinate the strategies of parents and the school.“, concludes the expert.
thanks to Angéline Charmet, psychologist.