#Time for a change
Orgasm Gap – Women want more!
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“Women just don’t come along as easily as men” – a myth that persists and that has to be used again and again as an excuse and excuse when only the man in bed gets what he wants. But why is that?
The Orgasm Gap is a pretty big deal when you get down to it. Similar to the gender pay gap, it describes the difference between the frequency of orgasms in women and men. According to Study by the International Academy of Sex Research as of 2017, 95 percent of straight men orgasm during sex always or most of the time, but only 65 percent of straight women. There are many reasons why women are not rewarded with a flight of fancy for every hot act. For most, it’s just a fact. We learn early on that women find it harder and, above all, much less frequently to reach an orgasm than men – natural law, you can’t do anything. In any case, in many people’s minds, the male orgasm is the conclusion of heterosexual activities in bed. Why? Well, because women have such a hard time getting to the point…
In-out-penis-in-vagina penetration rarely works
However, that is our normative idea of how sex works: man sticks his penis in, a bit back and forth, done. For him, this may work very well and end satisfactorily, but three quarters of all women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation and not through vaginal penetration. No matter how hard the man can practice in and out, as long as the clitoris is ignored, not much happens with many women. It’s no big surprise, then, that women’s and men’s orgasm rates are worlds apart. If we want to close the “orgasm gap”, we should first let go of our outdated concept of sex.
Ladies, we can come just as soon…
On average, it takes men and women about four minutes to reach orgasm through masturbation. Conversely, this means that women do not reach it more or less easily than men do when they know which buttons to push in themselves. Unfortunately, female masturbation is still taboo. While men shamelessly brag in public about how many times they’ve already waved one off the palm tree, women only whisper behind their hands and only with their closest friends that they have now bought a “massage stick”. .but pssst. Fortunately, a lot is happening here too. Mainly because the younger generation of women is more enlightened, moves forward and no longer wants to be pushed into the power structure of man and woman. Instead of whispering, they also make female masturbation socially acceptable on social media under the hashtag #Imasturbate.
It’s not just about sex, it’s about equality
So we really need to start rethinking our understanding of sex. For men, this means taking care of their partner’s satisfaction in addition to their own. Starts with dealing with how it is structured down there with us women and where the partner might like it much more to be touched than just practicing blunt in-out until the woman and she have had enough faking an orgasm. And for women? Open your mouth! And not just because we think we have to render this service to the man, but above all to say what we want. Yes, it’s intimate, but it’s also quite simply our right to have as much fun in bed as our partner.
Give it to me baby
Unfortunately, as in many other areas, when it comes to sex, we have the feeling that we have to give something before we can take, so we have to earn something first. This is so deeply anchored in the subconscious of most of us that we hardly dare to question it ourselves. At the same time, women should still get their money’s worth, preferably with as little effort as possible. All you have to do is look at this Canadian Oral Sex Study from 2016, which states that 63 percent of the men surveyed had their last sex orally and only 44 percent of the women. In most cases, however, it is sufficient to simply go through one’s own experiences. But there is no question that we still expect to have an orgasm, because otherwise the ego of our counterpart could be offended, otherwise something is wrong with us. So it’s no wonder that around half of all women have faked an orgasm at least once.
Enlightenment! It’s still about enlightenment! And confidence.
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What men and women can do for their own education: Read Katja Lewina’s book, for example. In “She’s up for it” that’s exactly what it’s about, i.e. the attributions of female bodies and lust, power in bed and what we should all really think about when we talk about equality. So she writes: “A guy who likes to be served but doesn’t like pussies on his face won’t come to my bed anymore anyway.” And that’s what we should always be worth to ourselves.