New technologies have profoundly changed flirting techniques and the whole world of seduction. But they also make it possible to shed light on certain toxic behaviors that have sometimes existed for a long time, without having a name. This is the case with “paperclipping”, the latest toxic trend in dating. And if you’ve been ghosted before, it might bring back bad memories.
Decidedly, when it comes to seduction and couple relationship, the anglicisms and the words in “ing” are not there to help us to flourish. From firedooring to flexting to cricketing, all kinds of new dating “trends” are popping up, and each one seems more toxic than the next. The latest? The “paperclipping”. And again, that doesn’t bode well.
What is paperclipping?
Paperclipping is often compared to ghosting because the mechanisms are more or less the same. You have a crush on someone, you start to discuss, even to see each other, to create a beginning of bond. And then, suddenly: nothing. No more news for several days (enough to think you are a victim of cricketing), several weeks or even several months. There, you say to yourself: “Of course, I got ghosted.” And then, the bad guy decides to come back in a totally innocent way. A little “Hello, are you okay?” in your messages which reminds you of its existence, and which could almost make you want to restart the machine, if you are still a little addicted.
The only problem is that the paperclipping enthusiast doesn’t really want anything. He probably even has other targets. But he wants to keep you close, just in case, in the role of the eternal suitor. This chick crazy about him who can’t move on because of his attitude. Someone to flatter his ego, in short. And the worst part is that sometimes it works.
To read also: What is “wokefishing”, this flirting technique that you should be wary of?
But what does that have to do with a paperclip?
Good question. A “paper clip”, in English, is a paper clip. Nothing to do with the musical instrument: it is the small metal object that is used to attach documents together. Nothing to do with a technique of seduction, therefore. In fact, to understand the expression, you have to turn to a reference that dates back to a time that the under 20s cannot know. This reference is Clippy, the little virtual assistant that went hand in hand with Microsoft Office, which regularly appeared on our screens, but which was not used for much, and above all, which arrived without the slightest request. Exactly like paperclipping enthusiasts.
The idea for the term originated in the mind of artist Samantha Rothenberg, an artist from Brooklyn who publishes numerous comics related to toxic relationships on Instagram, under the pseudonym Violetclair. And for once, we can say that it is well found.
How to react to paperclipping?
When an old crush comes back from the depths of our memory to remember our fond memories, it is normal to be overwhelmed by a lot of contradictory feelings. The first reaction is likely to be a feeling of rejection: not wanting to give time to someone who behaved so badly with us. If only it could end there! Because unfortunately, the paperclipper only seeks to flatter his ego. He wants to have several people on hand in case he finds himself alone at one point, but in no case does he want a real relationship with you.
Only here, as often, some people will wonder, wonder if they did not do something bad to push their crush to move away. Or, simply say to yourself that the person has changed, and that they deserve a second, third, fourth chance. In reality, faced with a fan of paperclipping, it is better to take the follow-up in order to limit the damage. If the person doesn’t have a very good explanation for going off the radar – and apologizes to you without you needing to ask – then they’re not someone for you. . His attitude is likely to happen again, and you are just going to suffer for nothing.
Moreover, you will quickly see it. If you do not respond, you will undoubtedly be entitled to a few more solicitations, a few days or a few weeks apart. The paperclipper may even try to make you feel guilty. But very quickly, faced with your lack of response, he will drop the matter: his objective is to waste your time, not to waste his …
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