Breast Cancer Month October
Paraneoplastic Syndrome (PNS)
My credo is: “I never give up!”
Despite the incurable disease PNS Male (29) does not give up
© private
Male Kirking got breast cancer at the age of 25. But that’s not all: Due to the cancer, she also suffers from “Paraneoplastic Syndrome” (PNS). Nevertheless, her credo is: “Never give up!”
I had a great job.
I had a great apartment.
I had a great boyfriend.
I had great friends.
I had a great car.
I had time and money to have a great vacation at least once a year.
I had an amazing body that I could dance any way I wanted, talk any way I wanted, do my makeup any way I wanted, jump around any way I wanted, exercise any way I wanted.
And yet I was dissatisfied, wanted a life like Instagram
Then everything changed. Shortly after my 25th birthday I found out that I had a malignant tumor in my breast: cancer. At the same time, I got dizzy all the time and kept seeing everything twice. Oncological examinations and the chemoplan followed immediately. But where the dizziness and double visioncame here?! No idea.
Countless doctors, countless shrugs and, most importantly, no diagnosis. My GP researched and inquired until he could figure it out. It was PARANEOLASTIC SYNDROME. Shit, but at least a diagnosis.
And that’s PNS: When a tumor occurs, the body’s immune system starts fighting it. In the case of the “paraneoplastic syndrome” (PNS), one’s own cerebellum is also regarded as a tumor and is also attacked and fought.
I’ve been told, “You’d rather win the lottery than get PNS.”
Then the medical odyssey began: Insertion of a port, chemotherapy, cortisone treatment, lumbar punctures, hair loss, immunoglobulins, tumor surgery in the summer, antibody therapy, blood plasma tests, thrombosis with many injections, further chemotherapy, radiation, countless tablets and a four-month hospital stay.
Then finally something positive: no more cancer.
PNS symptoms are varied
But the paraneoplastic syndrome remains. My symptoms are as follows: I see double vision all the time. I’m very dizzy. I can’t walk anymore I have trouble speaking. My arms and head are shaking. I make uncontrolled movements. I am always tired. I always need help.
I work against this with craniotherapy, physiotherapy, ergotherapy and swimming. But everything is only possible with the help of my family and friends and with iron discipline.
I’m living with my parents again, I can’t do my job anymore and my longtime boyfriend left me.
I live my life with my fashion
But I wanted to give my creativity space and opened an online shop to spread my credo: “Never give up.”
No one can tell me if I’ll be healthy again. And I would do anything to get my old life back. Sorry I wasn’t happy with it.
The author: Male (29) became a freelance photographer after training as a media designer. Today she sells self-designed fashion via her website www.pnsisteinarsch.de.