5 strong phrases to help you talk more comfortably to children
Sometimes it is not so easy to find the right tone and appropriate words when dealing with the little ones – especially in stressful situations. How good that we can prepare for such cases.
We cannot talk to our children as we can to adults. What we say to them makes a different, stronger impression on the little ones than on adults because, for example, they cannot yet consider that Mommy has too much on her mind to put every word on the gold scales.
Ideally, of course, we always think carefully about what we are saying to whom and what effect it will have on others, even in conversations with adults, but in reality we simply cannot do that – sometimes we just knock out or remain completely silent and leave each other that our fellow human beings can endure it because they understand it and can classify it. But we cannot expect that from our children. They lack the experience and are too self-centered (which is perfectly normal!) To do that.
In order to strike the right note when communicating with children even in difficult situations, it can help to come up with a few standard sentences or phrases that we can easily get used to and thus unwind automatically even under pressure. For example, how about the following?
5 sentences to talk to children in a more relaxed way
1. “Please help me to understand …”
She has been left alone for only five minutes and the little sister is crying, the exercise book looks as if the non-existent dog had used it to play or at the cash register suddenly there are toys in the car as if by magic that you don’t even buy wanted – you can quickly say “can you explain to me what this is about ?!” slip out. Less intimidating and cornering, however, is the sentence: “Please help me to understand why your sister is crying / your exercise book looks like a dog torn …” This phrase makes children feel valued and taken seriously, it speaks to their sense of responsibility and encourages them to reflect on their own instead of instinctively switching to defense mode.
2. “How can I help you …?”
When children are crying or angry, telling them to stop or that everything is half as bad is usually of little help. Something like that just makes them feel misunderstood and alone. In such situations it makes more sense to ask “How can I help you (to solve your problem?”
3. “As far as I know …”
Most children like to lie to talk themselves out of it. “Who scribbled all over the wall?” “Not me!” – of course, it was the brownies. Telling the toddler outright that he is lying and that we do not want to be lied to, however, often leads to defiant reactions and being offended. It feels unjustly treated and judged. However, if we make him understand that his lie will be exposed anyway, for example through a statement such as “As far as I know, the color on the wall is the same as on your hands,” he may take the chance to confess what he did – and is more willing to make amends for it.
4. “What do you think you could do with it …?”
When there are problems, we usually know better than our children how to cope with them. But always telling them and giving them directions makes them feel like we think they can’t handle it on their own. With this in mind, the phrase “what do you think you could do to stop your little sister from crying?” more appreciative and often more effective than saying “let your sister play with the car!”
5. “Tell me …”
Here, too, the point is to brake ourselves if we think we have already grasped a situation and can judge it, in order to give the little one a chance to describe his view of things to us. “Tell me how it came to the five in math” or “tell me what you’re doing right now” encourages him much more to open up to us and deal with things independently than a “that comes up.” about playing Mario Kart rather than learning “or” that’s a nice paper hat! “.
Source used: mother.ly