psychology
3 Habits That Show Separation Anxiety In Relationships
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Separation anxiety in relationships and the problems that accompany it are not uncommon – they are often the result of emotional wounds that have not yet healed. How we recognize the signs and what can help against the old behavior patterns.
Separation anxiety is a problem that many of us have encountered ourselves or in friends’ relationships. And it doesn’t always have something to do with childhood experiences. It may also have been a previous relationship that made us more timid, suspicious, or lowered our self-esteem in the future.
He already thinks that she could leave him if he addresses his problems openly – “weakness” shows. Or she becomes more clingy because her insecurities and worries about losing him increase with every moment she feels more for him. On Psychology Today, relationship expert and trauma specialist Annie Tanasugarn explains how separation anxiety can show up in relationships. She talks mainly about behaviors that arise from childhood experiences.
1. You have trouble letting others in on you
People who were neglected in the formative time of their childhood usually try to reveal as few of their emotions as possible. you let othersand also not their relationship people, not participate in their feelings and thoughts. Because they often have learned that if they show “weakness” others will turn away from them further. This makes it difficult for them to trust others – or they have met other people later in life who have used their vulnerability and emotions against them to benefit themselves. Not revealing themselves and keeping their distance has therefore become a form of self-protection for them.
2. You bond with other people very quickly
At the opposite extreme is that people with emotional wounds from childhood share too much about yourself. She Try to get as close to the person as possible and therefore often address intimate details from their lives after just getting to know them. This can happen on a first date – or with a colleague at work. The hope is to build a relationship in a quick way. However, the connection they hope for often does not take place. Because the other person usually feels taken by surprise and doesn’t know how to take in the personal details. People who bond too quickly often did not feel recognized or heard in their childhood, which they are now trying to correct with strangers. The fear of being rejected or abandoned by other people is very great and can lead to this behavior.
3. They don’t have a strong self-identity
The fear of being abandoned can lead to affected people reflect the interests, behavior and opinions of their significant other. That’s what they want make sure that the other person appreciates and accepts them – and does not want to give them up. They may also use this behavior with friends to further bind them to themselves. Even if they don’t agree, they prefer to keep their opinions to themselves. The leads to the fact that they often do not really know who they are: Their interests, what they like or dislike, their hobbies and their values. In relationships, it can happen that you completely revise your self-image with a new partnership and are hardly recognizable for other people.
What helps against separation anxiety
Affected people often fall into the same behavioral patterns and stumble from one relationship to the next. The first and most important step is to realize one’s own mistakes and to want to change something about them oneself. If the previous relationship life is very stressful and the person wants to work on it professional help the best option. Annie Tanasugarn advises people with separation anxiety learn to be alone. Because that is often the main problem. Spending time alone often causes self-criticism and self-sabotage in affected individuals, which can increase their anxiety. Victims often have to face their past first and understand how their wounds came aboutto work on yourself with this knowledge.
With the help of an expert, you can Increase self-confidence and self-esteem and thus learn to break out of old patterns. We should remind ourselves more often that we are all human. Making mistakes and having fears is completely normal. However, how we react to it and how we treat ourselves less harshly is something that many of us only have to learn as we grow older. And that has nothing to do with the fact that we are less capable than others.
Sources used: Psychology Today, Psych Alive, Psych Central