psychology
3 Signs You Experienced Emotional Blackmail During Your Childhood
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Traumas we experience in childhood can leave scars that make life difficult for us as adults as well. These signs tell you someone was emotionally blackmailed as a child.
Very few parents want to intentionally harm their children. And yet careless behavior or questionable parenting methods used by parents because they are overwhelmed and afraid can traumatize children and ensure that they continue to have difficulties as adults – especially in relationships.
“If you really love Mom, you’ll do it now…” – sentences like this put children under a lot of pressure because they suggest that their mother’s love is conditional. This does not make them feel safe and secure, which is a prerequisite for us to be able to have healthy relationships as adults. And people who have experienced such emotional blackmail in their childhood still feel these emotional wounds later on. These are three typical behaviors of such people.
Typical signs that someone was emotionally blackmailed in their childhood
1. They are hyper-aware of the emotional state of those around them
People who were often confronted with emotional blackmail as children are often very empathetic as adults and have learned to observe their surroundings closely. They immediately feel even slight changes in the mood of a group and in the behavior of their partner. This can of course be helpful in many situations – however, this behavior is often so extreme that such people are unconsciously under great pressure to really have to track down every emotion in their fellow human beings. They eventually learned that there can be negative consequences if they don’t.
2. You feel responsible for everything
It is also typical of people who have been emotionally blackmailed in their childhood that they would like to have everything under control. They feel responsible for everything – even for things that are absolutely beyond their control. Constant apologizing is a classic sign that you may have been blamed as a child for things that were actually your parents’ responsibility. You probably carry this pattern into your life as an adult and especially into your relationships.
3. They don’t dare to express their opinions or feelings
Victims of emotional blackmail have mostly internalized that saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear can have negative consequences for them. That’s why they quickly learned as children not to say anything – and to keep their own opinions and feelings to themselves. Do you recognize yourself in that? Then you probably have a strong penchant for people-pleasing. The main thing is that no one is mad at you – that could end up being deprived of love.
What can you do when you know these behaviors yourself?
Awareness is the first important step. So if you’re ready to reflect on exhibiting some of these typical behaviors yourself, then that’s a good place to start. Maybe you can question yourself in some situations and consider whether you could react differently – after all, you are no longer a child who depends on someone’s love and affection. The best thing to do, however, is to speak to a therapist or doctor to clarify what further steps and professional help you may need to help you feel more comfortable and secure in your relationships.
Sources used: instagram.com/mentalhealthceo, exploringyourmind.com, psychologytoday.com