psychology
These characteristics characterize people who can forgive themselves
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Being able to forgive – yourself and others – is a skill that rarely stands alone and can hardly be cultivated in isolation. You can read here what else usually makes people who have them.
Some people spend days worrying about mistakes they made, thoughtless statements they made, or goals they didn’t achieve. Others constantly or repeatedly struggle with the fact that they are not smarter, more beautiful or more decent. And some people have so internalized the feeling of being wrong and having to prove themselves that it goes without saying and they are not even aware that they live with constant self-blame. All of these people would probably do well if they learned to forgive themselves – not being able to do so is often not only painful, but usually costs a lot of energy. Because it means being in an ever-simmering battle with yourself.
In much the same way that a person who can’t do gymnastics at all is unlikely to be able to do a handstand flip without further training using a few targeted tips, it can be difficult to learn to forgive without cultivating a posture to do so this ability is part of it. An attitude that is characterized by mindfulness and self-respect, by generosity and the willingness to understand – and which is also often accompanied by the following characteristics, among others.
Characteristics of people who can forgive themselves
Modesty
Keeping your own expectations in check generally makes it easier to forgive – yourself and others. Anyone who doesn’t assume that everything in this world should be good and beautiful and should only ever get better and more beautiful usually has to make less effort and rethinking in order to accept people for what they are: part of a world that we don’t can fully understand and in which we always see good and bad.
A person who can forgive themselves does not expect perfection or above-average performance from themselves, but rather sees themselves and what they do as enough.
Feeling of connection to other people
Often, the ability to forgive ourselves goes hand in hand with the ability to forgive other people – because both abilities are easier to cultivate when we feel connected to others through equality and commonality. We can recognize things in other people that we cannot perceive when looking at ourselves: that flaws do not make them ugly, for example. That their mistakes or weaknesses do not have drastic consequences and that one attempt or effort is often enough. We gain insights into ourselves that help us understand other people: For example, we couldn’t think properly because we were tired or sad or burdened by our past. Combining both perspectives and using all of our experience-based information about people under the assumption that we are not fundamentally different from each other tends to make it easier to forgive. At least that seems to be the case for some people who can.
empathy
Empathy is related to the ability to forgive oneself in two ways: on the one hand, it can promote it, on the other hand, it can grow or strengthen from it. In itself, empathy means that a person can put themselves in the position of those around them and understand their attitudes and feelings. In this way, it can provide a prerequisite for understanding others. Anyone who uses empathy in this way – to understand other people – can apply it to themselves in the same way. Can view yourself with the empathy of a friend rather than the severity of self-criticism. On the other hand, the ability to forgive yourself makes it easier to be empathetic towards others: it promotes the willingness to revise judgments and view people with openness and interest, promotes the impulse to gain understanding instead of categorizing and ticking off.
optimism
Optimism helps with forgiveness because it is linked to the thinking: “It’ll be okay,” “maybe it’s not that bad.” Anyone who has a fundamentally optimistic attitude will be less likely to dramatize their own mistakes and shortcomings and will be more likely to assume that things can be fixed. That being said, optimistic people tend to see something positive even in disappointments and look at what they can learn and gain rather than what is lost and wasted.
Sources used: verywellmind.com, hackspirit.com