Narcissism is a rare personality disorder that affects few people. Narcissistic tendencies, on the other hand, can lie dormant in many people – maybe in you too?
Since the term narcissism found its way from psychological textbooks into our media and everyday language, many people think they have dealt with narcissistic people themselves. The:bad ex, the:tyrannical boss, the:awkward neighbor. Finally there is an explanation for the fact that we cannot have a relaxed, peaceful relationship with certain people with the best will in the world: They must be narcissists.
In fact, there is a high probability that they are not. Narcissism is a comparatively rare personality disorder that sooner or later leads most sufferers to seek professional help – because without therapy it is very difficult for them to maintain relationships and participate in our social life.
However, it may be that the bad ex, the tyrannical boss or the uncomfortable neighbor shows narcissistic traits or tendencies – as do we ourselves. Because almost everyone is predisposed to narcissism. It is similar to many mental disorders: We are dealing with a continuum in which we or psychologists speak of narcissism at a certain point. Without having reached this point, we can nonetheless exhibit some characteristics of this disorder in a milder form. Accordingly, we can, for example, show individual, slightly pronounced behaviors of an eating disorder without being severely eating disordered and being diagnosed as such. However, whenever we notice tendencies of a disorder in ourselves, even if this is not (yet) fully developed, the commandment of care and caution applies: tendencies can intensify and solidify into patterns and gradually push us in one direction on the continuum , which we don’t want to go to.
In the online magazine “Psychology Today”, the American psychologist Jamie Cannon names four signs that can indicate a tendency towards narcissism.
4 Signs You Might Have Narcissistic Traits
You use other people for your purposes
The fact that we influence a person or a situation in our interest is neither unusual nor pathological or narcissistic – according to the psychologist, however, it becomes worrying when it becomes routine and we do not feel any remorse or the need to make amends. When we catch ourselves evaluating relationships based on what they do for us rather than what they mean to us, there is cause for heightened attention. Taking advantage of people close to us without scruples could be an indication of a narcissistic tendency.
Your feelings are the only ones that count
On the one hand, it is important and right that we take care of ourselves and make sure that we don’t fall short in a relationship. However, in healthy relationships, this self-care is ideally balanced with caring for the other person. Do we put our well-being above that of our friend, partner, or loved one, no longer caring about how they feel once we are well, or expecting them to share their feelings about our mood adapt, this may indicate a narcissistic trait.
You have double standards in relation to yourself and others
Ideally, in a relationship, we behave as we expect or demand of the other person. For example, if we require her to always be punctual, it would be inappropriate for us to turn up for a date whenever it suits us. If we do it differently, that is, if we make expectations of others that we don’t meet ourselves, or if we forgive ourselves for things that we constantly blame others, a narcissistic tendency can be behind it.
What other people feel is not really your business
Although sometimes we may not follow up directly to give the other person space and not to appear curious, we usually have an interest in understanding the feelings and perspectives of our loved ones. Empathy is essential to our togetherness and creates a connection that is essential to our relationships. However, if we find the feelings and sensitivities of our fellow human beings annoying, if we do not care what they feel and if we are not interested, this may reveal a certain tendency to narcissism, which could sooner or later lead us into isolation.
We and the others
Most people tend to associate themselves with a group that they see as the good guys, thereby distancing themselves from other groups that tend to represent the bad guys. This helps us to put the world in order, gives us clarity and identification. But the reality is not that simple. Good and evil are our own inventions or interpretations. Transitions are fluid. Categories are rarely sharply divided, and when they are, it’s only because we’ve drawn a line somewhere more or less arbitrarily to simplify things.
Whether psychopath: inside, narcissist: inside, energy vampires or football fans, we have more in common with all these people than we sometimes admit. We are free to focus on the differences between us. But it certainly can’t hurt to keep an eye on the similarities. At least that wouldn’t be particularly narcissistic.
Source used: psychologytoday.com