Narcissism is a rare personality disorder that only affects a few people. Narcissistic tendencies, on the other hand, can lie dormant in many people – perhaps in you too?
Since the term narcissism found its way from psychological textbooks into our media and everyday language, many people believe that they have had to deal with narcissistic people themselves. The: the evil ex, the: the tyrannical boss, the: the inconvenient neighbor. There is finally an explanation for why, even with the best will in the world, we cannot develop a relaxed, peaceful relationship with certain people: they must be narcissists.
In fact, they most likely aren’t. Narcissism is a comparatively rare personality disorder that sooner or later leads most sufferers to seek professional help – because without therapy it is very difficult for them to maintain relationships and participate in our social life.
However, it may be that the evil ex, the tyrannical boss or the inconvenient neighbor have narcissistic traits or tendencies – as do we ourselves. Because almost all people probably have a predisposition to narcissism. It is similar to many psychological disorders: we are dealing with a continuum in which we or psychologists speak of narcissism at a certain point. Without having reached this point, we can nevertheless exhibit some features of this disorder in a milder form. Accordingly, we can, for example, exhibit individual, mildly pronounced eating disorder behaviors without having a severe eating disorder and being diagnosed as such. However, whenever we notice tendencies of a disorder in ourselves, even if it is not (yet) fully developed, the commandment of care and caution applies: tendencies can intensify and solidify into patterns and gradually push us in one direction along the continuum that we don’t want to go to.
In the online magazine “Psychology Today”, the American psychologist Jamie Cannon names four signs that can indicate a tendency towards narcissism.
4 signs that you may have narcissistic traits
1. You use other people for your own purposes
The fact that we influence a person or a situation in our own interest is neither unusual nor pathological or narcissistic – according to the psychologist, however, it becomes worrying when it becomes routine and we feel no remorse or the need to make amends. As soon as we catch ourselves evaluating relationships based on what they do for us rather than what they mean to us, there is reason for increased attention. Taking advantage of people close to us without scruples could be an indication of a narcissistic tendency.
2. Your feelings are the only ones that matter
On the one hand, it is important and right that we take care of ourselves and make sure that we do not fall short in a relationship. However, in healthy relationships, this self-care is ideally balanced with the care towards the other person. If we put our well-being above that of our friends, our partner or other people close to us, we no longer care what they feel once we are well, or do we expect them to adapt their feelings to our mood adapt, this may indicate a narcissistic trait.
3. You have double standards when it comes to yourself and others
Ideally, in a relationship we behave in the way we expect or demand from the other person. For example, if we expect her to be punctual as a matter of principle, it would be inappropriate for us to show up for a date whenever it suits us. If we handle things differently, that is, if we place expectations on others that we ourselves do not fulfill, or if we forgive ourselves for things that we constantly hold against others, there may be a narcissistic tendency behind it.
4. What others feel isn’t really your business
Although sometimes we may not follow up directly to give the other person space and to avoid seeming nosy, we usually have an interest in understanding our loved one’s feelings and perspectives. Empathy is essential to our interactions and creates a connection that is essential to our relationships. However, if we consider the feelings and sensitivities of our fellow human beings to be annoying, if we do not care about what they feel and are not interested in it, this may reveal a certain tendency towards narcissism, which could sooner or later lead us into isolation.
Us and the others
Most people tend to associate themselves with a group that they see as the good guys, thereby distancing themselves from other groups that tend to represent the bad guys. This helps us to organize the world and gives us clarity and identification. But reality is not that simple. Good and evil are our own inventions or interpretations. Transitions are fluid. Categories are rarely sharply separated from one another, and when they are, it is only because we have drawn a dividing line somewhere more or less arbitrarily to simplify things.
Whether psychopaths, narcissists, energy vampires or football fans, we have more in common with all of these people than we sometimes admit. We are free to focus on the differences between us. But it certainly can’t hurt to keep an eye on the similarities. At least that wouldn’t be particularly narcissistic.
Source used: psychologytoday.com