Rejection + Co.
These are the experiences of people who pay close attention to their external appearance
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How we behave in adulthood is often the result of childhood experiences. Are you very concerned about how you appear to those around you? This can also have long-standing causes.
Actually, what should be most important to us is how WE find each other. Whether we are proud of ourselves. But if we look at reality, it is still a lot about the external impact. Do others think I’m beautiful? What does my work colleague say about my painstakingly prepared presentation? Is my father proud of me? If you place a strong focus on other people’s opinions, it may well be that this behavior was already formed in your childhood.
These are the experiences of people who pay close attention to their external appearance
You have been rejected and excluded.
If you work hard to please others today, you may have experienced rejection at some point in your life. If you’ve been excluded and never really felt like you belonged, it can leave a lasting impression – not a pleasant one. That’s why you now make even more effort to receive encouragement from others.
You received a lot of criticism.
Not quite as drastic as being completely excluded, but still very hard: If you had to endure a lot of criticism in your childhood and nothing was ever good enough, that probably still wears on you today. In your daily activities, you think a lot about possible negative feedback and act in a way that pleases those around you – and not according to how you would like it.
You were shown a strict “perfection”.
If you grew up with certain ideal images, you probably still find it difficult to free yourself from them today. It can be about appearance, inner values and also desirable performance. If you don’t have a role model in the sense that “everyone is different,” it’s probably more important to you how you appear to the outside world than it is to other people who see their individuality as a strength and don’t strive for a certain pattern.
You only received praise for success.
It is particularly important for children that they are not only praised for successes – after all, only attempts and failures bring experience and good learning content. However, if you were only given nice words when you did something “right” and were successful, you haven’t learned that what’s most important is the “doing” and not just a good result. The result: You equate a positive external impact with success today instead of also looking at your path to get there.
Everything ended in a competition.
Between siblings, between friends, at school: we start comparing ourselves and being compared by others at an early age. If this behavior is also pursued strongly at home, a sense of competition quickly arises. It’s never just about your performance or your appearance, but always about how others are. Breaking free can be difficult.
Less external impact and more self-love: This is how you can do it
If you pay a lot of attention to your external appearance, the first important step is to notice this and ask yourself where it comes from. Have you perhaps had one or even more of the experiences listed? Question the basis of your behavior. Once you’ve figured that out, it’s about breaking free from this automatic way of thinking. Instead, think about which thoughts help you and are healthier – it often helps to get a trusted person or professional help. If you gradually manage to develop a new way of thinking, internalize it and then implement it, you will soon feel freer and happier.