“I deserve to be appreciated”
5 mental needs we should never ignore
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Nowadays we like to swallow our own needs – it doesn’t suit us. They have something to say to us. And we should listen.
Hunger, tired, cold – physical needs are difficult to suppress, we go after them as a matter of course. The situation is different when it comes to avoidable things. We often feel that a feeling stirs in us, but then push it away because we – or others – don’t like it at the moment. Basic psychological needs are just as important as physical ones. And they are well worth listening to.
Actually, most of us have a pretty good sense of what is good for them – and what is definitely not. When we are valued, we are happy. When we feel that we are being treated unfairly, we become angry or, depending on the type, also fearful or insecure. How a person reacts to different situations is very individual, but what we can agree on is a feeling in itself, regardless of its manifestation. Feelings are very good guides for our psychological needs.
If we still have trouble interpreting or pursuing our own feelings, it may be because we don’t honor them ourselves. Anyone who has learned to constantly prioritize the needs of others over their own eventually loses access to them. That’s not all that unusual: After all, it’s quite normal for conflicts to arise when different needs meet. But if you usually prefer to avoid such things, you take the supposedly easier way – and put your own emotions in the drawer for the sake of peace. But we know this problem from our own household: If we always stuff everything that is in the way in the closet, the chaos has not disappeared – we just don’t see it for a while. The next time we open the door, the stuff stuffed in it literally falls on our feet.
Unsatisfied psychological needs can be expressed in negative emotions, for example – or they can actually make you ill. It is not without reason that people say that we have “something on our stomachs”. Either way, the feelings eventually find their way. All the better to listen to them from the start.
5 mental needs that deserve to be heard
The need to say “no”.
Always remember: If you don’t have the capacity yourself, you can’t be there for others either. We often say “yes” even though everything in us resists it. Saying “no” to not doing something is also an act of self-care. For example, try setting these seven limits for yourself.
The need to be appreciated
The need for self-esteem is one of the basic psychological needs. Everyone aspires to be loved, to be praised, or just to be appreciated for who they are. Whether in relationships or at work – the desire for appreciation can be a sign that we just don’t feel seen. A clarifying conversation can help. Because in the long term, self-confidence suffers if we deny ourselves this need.
The need to be alone
Do you know that? Someone asks you if you have time and you instinctively say yes. Because your calendar is still empty on this day. Still, the promise somehow doesn’t feel good – because that would have been your afternoon, where you finally had some time for yourself. The need for me-time is often underestimated these days. It’s completely normal. Some people need more alone time, others less—but there’s no harm in getting along with yourself either way. And to cancel an appointment when you have nothing else to do – simply because we feel the need for it nothing to have.
The need for justice
The feeling of being treated unfairly is usually very pronounced in childhood. Over time, it may express itself less as a fit of screaming on the supermarket floor and more as an uncomfortable gut feeling. It is a good thing not to lose the need for justice. It not only helps us personally, but also others. Those who feel that they have been treated unfairly take action more quickly – and there is far too much injustice in the world.
The need to put your feet up
We encountered it at the time itself: the good, old nothing. We are constantly reading and hearing about new options for optimizing ourselves and making our lives as productive as possible. How exhausting! The need for a break has nothing to do with laziness and, if left unignored, eventually ends up in burnout. So let’s not judge ourselves for it, but rather welcome the sweetness of doing nothing.