Talk to strangers? What for? We know a couple of reasons.
As puzzling and unpredictable as people may be, one thing is relatively clear and undisputed: We need social connections and contacts. Those who are socially integrated and involved and who have healthy relationships have been shown to live happier, healthier and longer lives than people who are lonely and isolated. Our social network and sense is one of the essential, if not the driver of our evolutionary success. Without community we would have no languages, no religion, no mathematics. Without social integration we would die, we would have died out.
Many people who were excluded from the class community as a child or who experienced other rejection have to struggle with sequelae throughout their lives, some of which can resemble post-traumatic symptoms. The need for social connection is so strong and so deep within us. Cultivating relationships with loved ones as best we can is never a bad thing or a badly invested energy. But what about contacts with strangers? Psychologists Paul Van Lange and Simon Columbus, among others, recently dealt with this question in depth – and came to the conclusion: There is more than one good reason not to underestimate the importance of encounters with strangers.
4 reasons why you would like to talk to strangers more often
1. Contacts with strangers are in most cases positive.
When we come into contact with strangers, the potential for conflict is low in the majority of cases – based on the social interdependence theory, which classifies our relationships in terms of criteria such as power imbalances, mutual dependencies and compatibility of interests. As a rule, we are on an equal footing with people we meet briefly, or it does not matter how much power or social responsibility we have in another context. Most of the time, we benefit roughly equally from each other and seldom have interests that get in each other’s way.
Of course there are exceptions, for example in road traffic, summer sales or when boarding a crowded train. But most of the situations in which we (could) get into conversation with strangers – standing in line with other customers at the market, in the club at the bar, sunbathing in the park – take place in a harmless, peaceful setting and are therefore friendly, relaxed, pleasant. In the short term, they can lift our mood, and in the long term they can have a positive effect on our image of human beings. So if we have to wait for something and kill time, for example, we may find it more beneficial to start a little chat with someone waiting than to stare at our cell phone.
2. Strangers don’t tell anyone.
With strangers, there is usually little chance that they will pass on any sensitive information and thereby make life difficult for us, since they are not part of our inner circle. For example, if we were to talk badly about our supervisor to a colleague, there is a certain chance that something will leak out. There is hardly any risk with a stranger who works in a different industry than we do and doesn’t even know our name. In fact, that’s one reason why some people, for example, pour their hearts out to other passengers on the plane.
3. Conversations with strangers broaden our horizons.
For most people, it feels good to be in their own bubble. Here we get confirmation, here we communicate with people who see things in a similar way to us, here the world is in our order. But we don’t notice a lot in our bubble. Exchanging ideas with people from other bubbles gives us new perspectives, offers us a view of the world through another window, shows us other details. This is not only spiritually enriching, but can also help us to understand and accept some things. Advice from strangers, uninvolved people can also be very valuable.
4. Opportunities arise from conversations with strangers.
Whether it’s an apartment, job or sperm donor – sometimes people find exactly what they are looking for through fleeting chance encounters. As in the case of our bubble: if we always turn in the same circle, we only see what is happening in its radius. We experience what the world has to offer when we shake hands with people outside of our circle.
5. Talking to strangers strengthens a sense of belonging and solidarity.
Even if we don’t feel it every day as intensely as, for example, the love and security that our neighbors give us: We are part of a large society and to feel part of it and connected to it promotes satisfaction and trust. The more rugged and divided a society is, the more uncomfortable and insecure the people who belong to it usually live in it. Therefore, groups of people such as vaccinated, unvaccinated and recovered, which arose in our society in the wake of the corona pandemic, can represent a great burden, both for the community and for individuals.
For an experiment, scientists “lost” 17,000 purses worldwide, most of which were returned – with a particularly high frequency if there was money in them. It is human nature to help one another and to want good, not bad. This trait connects us almost all, regardless of whether we are unvaccinated, fitness enthusiast or Christian.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, Vitamin S: Why Is Social Contact, Even With Strangers, So Important to Well-Being? (journals.sagepub.com/)