Is your counterpart really sincere with you? Or is it just showing you fake emotions? You can recognize the latter, so-called surface acting, from five signals.
Our emotions basically have a purpose – and showing them is often an advantage in social interaction. For example, if someone hurts us and we are obviously sad or angry about it, the person can recognize their wrongdoing, ask for forgiveness, and be more attuned to us in the future. When we radiate stress, others are more likely to refrain from asking or otherwise distressing us than when we appear bored or deeply relaxed. To put it briefly: Whoever shows one’s own feelings openly gives other people clarity and makes it easier for them to adjust to the situation and behave appropriately.
It sounds clear and simple at first. But it gets a little more complicated on closer inspection.
Why we don’t always (want to) show our feelings honestly
For one thing, we cannot be sure in every context that other people will treat us with care if they know our true feelings. Without implying that there are bad people with bad intentions, it is conceivable in certain contexts that people use the power that knowledge of our sore points gives them, for example, to their advantage. And harm us with it. For most people, their own interests take precedence over those of another person, especially if there is no deeper connection to that person. So sometimes keeping a low profile about our feelings is for our own protection.
On the other hand, in some situations it is considered rude or inappropriate to react emotionally. For example, we can definitely give our superiors critical feedback if it is appropriate. But getting angry openly when he:she has screwed up in our eyes seems unthinkable in most working relationships. We also tend to envy lucky friends more quietly than with obvious gestures, as we expect (of ourselves) to be happy for one another in a friendship.
Surface acting: using fake emotions to cover up the real ones
For these and a few other reasons, many people practice the so-called in their everyday life again and again surface acting, that is, they hide their true feelings and pretend to others. The typical case is that we keep unpleasant emotions like anger, fear or disappointment to ourselves and instead feign serenity, courage or joy. It can also happen the other way around, but this happens much more rarely.
The nasty (or good) thing is: if you look closely, you can Surface acting usually seen relatively clearly. Psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne shared typical clues on Psychology Today.
5 signs a person is faking their feelings
1. The situation does not match the feeling shown
If you were in your partner’s situation, how would you feel? Or how do you feel about the situation you are both in right now? If the emotion, such as a serene smile, that a person shows doesn’t feel right with the situation they’re in, it can be an indication that it’s not real. Of course, he can also perceive the situation differently than you. But since you are both human, your assessment and emotional state should at least be similar – and not completely opposite.
2. You feel something is wrong
Since few people are gifted actors, most people’s performances show when Surface acting certain deficiencies. Typically, they exaggerate the feigned emotion. That they are overjoyed, laugh too loudly, emphasize too much how happy they are. If the behavior of your counterpart seems unnatural to you, it may be because they are trying to surface act.
3. The person is showing mild signs of stress
Is the laughter not only too loud, but also has a nervous touch? Does the person suddenly talk faster than usual? Or tap your foot? Surface acting is usually associated with stress for the actor and if you pay attention, you can tell it.
4. There is an advantage associated with the emotion shown
As already said, serves Surface acting usually a function, if only a supposed one. So if you ask yourself how the person in question might benefit from the emotion they are displaying—and what disadvantage it might have from someone else—and you can come up with a plausible answer, it suggests that they are acting strategically or meaningfully. But not necessarily honest.
5. The person starts drifting
As a rule, people can only hold on to a role played for a limited period of time, after all it takes strength to pretend. That is why it can usually be observed that after a while a person starts to fall out of character or even completely drift out of the situation when they are in the Surface acting tries.
Surface acting It’s not a crime, and most people occasionally fake different emotions than they really have. However, if this behavior becomes the norm, it can become problematic: According to studies, frequent pretense of false emotions damages our health and our well-being. We feel dissatisfied, stressed and can become physically and mentally ill. Also, it can happen that we go through too much Surface acting forgetting to be authentic and ourselves. This, in turn, stands in the way of real, deep personal relationships. Which we urgently need in our nature as humans. So with people who are close to us and whom we trust, we can definitely try to take off our masks and be honest with them about how we feel. Because the bottom line is that our sincere relationships often arm us for situations in which strangers attack us Surface acting catch who shouldn’t have caught us.
Source used: psychologytoday.com