psychology
If it’s always all about them – How do I deal with self-centered people?
Communicating with self-centered people can quickly become tiring.
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There is a bit of egocentrism in everyone and that’s okay. After all, we have to take care of ourselves. However, it becomes problematic when people are extremely self-centered. Because then others have to take a step back. And that leads to frustration.
Do you think you are dealing with a self-centered person? Here are four signs that can give you clarity:
- Your conversations are one-sided. Most of the time it’s about the other person.
- Your counterpart shows little to no empathy and understanding for other points of view.
- Efforts or kind gestures are not reciprocated but simply accepted.
- You cannot handle criticism, even if it is constructive.
Regardless of whether it is a friendship or a working relationship, such a relationship is exhausting. You have to take a step back and that leads to frustration.
How do I handle this? Therapist Eric Hegmann has tips.
5 strategies that help when dealing with self-centered people
Train a new way of dealing with emotions such as anger and helplessness
Even though it can be frustrating, the expert is clear: Changing another person is difficult. People only change sustainably if they really want to. Instead of getting angry, it makes more sense to ask yourself what you can change. This may seem unfair, but it is the only way to regain control of the situation instead of waiting for the other person.
Communicate your own needs and desires clearly
According to Hegmann, one possibility is to make it clear to the other person that their own needs are being neglected. What is important is that this happens in a self-centered way. Mere accusations don’t help. An example here would be: “I have the feeling that my needs are neglected in our relationship and I would like us to talk about myself sometimes.”
Create opportunities and situations for conversations at eye level
According to the relationship therapist, certain framework conditions must be created for a serious and in-depth conversation. It cannot be done between the doors and hinges, but should be done in a quiet moment. It is also important that there is no dependency or power imbalance. Sometimes it also helps to give the other person an honest compliment to open the conversation. This makes the person more willing to respond to you.
Set boundaries and don’t suppress your own needs
When dealing with self-centered people, it can be a disadvantage if we question ourselves too much or withdraw. Hegmann says: You should set clear boundaries and stick to them or demand them. Ultimately, it’s about meeting your own needs.
Draw conclusions if nothing changes
If boundaries are exceeded, agreements are not kept and nothing is changed, consequences should be drawn, explains the expert. Sometimes it is easier to distance yourself from a person and reduce contact to a minimum or, if possible, end it. Because: Anyone who holds on to a toxic dynamic for too long will harm themselves.
Attention: No “psycho tricks” please
Driven by frustration, it is natural to look for ways to manipulate the other person into changing. But it is important not to lose respect for the other person despite all the anger. “A relationship includes saying no as well as accepting no and ultimately deciding how to deal with such rejection,” says therapist Hegmann.
Sources used: psychcentral.com, interview with Eric Hegmann